vituperation

Did you know that after certain surgical procedures, your doctor will make you buy a lamb’s wool paint roller and "paint" yourself regularly (ie, roll the roller on your skin) to reduce swelling?

Now you do.

You know, between the girdle, the roller, and the drainbulbs, I must make quite the sight.

So Robyn and I are sitting in the computer room a couple of days ago, surfing and whatnot (I actually think I was playing Return to Castle Wolfenstein, as I love to do), when the spud wanders in.

"Fred," she says, "What causes your water to break?"

I blink stupidly, trying to shift mental gears.

From behind me, Robyn says, "Contractions."

"Oh," says the spud, "I’m watching Paramedics, and this woman was four months pregnant, and her water broke, and she had the baby. Can a baby born then live?"

"No," I say, "I don’t think they can live until they’re twenty-five or twenty-six at the very least, and even that’s a little iffy. Twenty-eight to thirty weeks is a much safer bet."

There ensues a brief discussion between Robyn and myself over when a baby is safely viable. Ultimately, I stick with twenty-five and she sticks with twenty. According to Google, she’s right.

"I’ve never had a baby," I say, "so it’s pretty obvious I’m not the best one to ask."

The spud laughs and says, "I guess mama would know better, huh? So this four month baby is going to die?"

"Yes," I say, "I’m pretty sure it will."

"I already saw this episode anyway, so I don’t know why I asked," says the spud.

She meanders out.

Is it any wonder why I’m the way I am?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some swelling to paint. Have a terrific day, and go post in the forums, because it cranks my tractor.