vituperation

November 1, 2002

Has anyone noticed a rash of rudeness in their fellow man lately? It’s starting to seem to me that people are becoming more and more unreliable. That, or my sense of self-importance has grown exponentially in recent days.

Here’s why:

Remember that newspaper that stole the picture of me from one of my other web sites and printed it, then promised me and their readers a story about me? Haven’t heard a thing from them.

Remember all the things I sold on eBay last week? Two people bid things up, and now won’t respond to emails to pay for them. One of the items that didn’t get bought this time had been auctioned before, with the exact same results. Someone bid the item up, then decided they didn’t want it.

A local news channel asked me in August to appear live on their morning show. We were getting the details hammered out, when he suddenly stopped replying. I emailed him early last week to ask if they’d changed their minds. No response.

A radio station in Mississippi asked me to be interviewed for their morning show, and were as - if not more - excited as the local TV station here. Over a week ago they were going to get back with me “in a day or two” to set a time. Think he has?

Two weeks ago, a used bookstore in Decatur was very interested in the plethora of hardback and paperback books we were selling and asked me to email them pictures of the books. As soon as I got home, I took pictures of all the books and Robyn made a web page showing them all. Within two hours of having been in his store I’d emailed him a link to the pictures and told him to feel free to ask me any questions he had. Did I hear back from him? No.

Is it me?

I simply can’t imagine telling someone I’m going to do something and then, in addition to not doing it (I realize there are sometimes extenuating circumstances) taking the extra step to not bother telling them, and in some instances going so far as to ignore the person when they ask what’s up. Granted, most of these instances are with the media so I may be overreacting, but still it seems like a bunch of rudeness all gathering up at once.

Hmph to them all.

Robyn and I visited Farmer Rich yesterday afternoon to get our last batch of pasture-raised chickens for the year. We were driving slowly back through downtown Hartselle on our way back to the interstate, talking about the natural soap Farmer Rich was selling, when Robyn suddenly went insane.

“OH MY GOD!” she screamed, twisting around in her seat and craning her neck to look back behind us, “that was SO obviously a man!”

She was giggling and reaching for the camera to take a picture.

“DID YOU SEE THAT?” she yelled at me, “It was OBVIOUSLY a man! I can’t believe he thinks anyone’s fooled!”

She thumbed the button to turn the digital camera on. I glanced up at the reaview mirror. In it, I saw a very manly shape walking across the street behind us, wearing a tight white sleeveless sweater, a black leather mini-skirt, and black high heeled shoes. The shape had shoulder-length platinum blonde hair, and very well-defined muscles in its arms and shoulders.

“That was a man!” Robyn shouted, to make sure I got the point. Her eyes glinted with mirth.

“Bessie?” I said softly, “It’s Halloween.”

“Oh yeah,” she said in a small voice, and turned off the camera.

I was semi-listening to Oprah (Robyn was watching it, not me) while I worked on this. The person who annoys me more than anyone - Clinton, Carnie Wilson, and Al Sharpton included - was on, flapping his mouth. I’m speaking, of course, of Michael Moore.

And we agreed on something. I think that’s one of the signs of the apocalypse.

Tuesday night, the spud and I watched Eight-legged Freaks. What a gem of a movie.

The critics didn’t understand it, you see, so I’m here to explain it should any of them be reading. The movie is intentionally and gloriously over the top, an homage to the big bug movies of the 50’s. It reflects back to the time when Americans were scared that the newly discovered nuclear power was going to cause gross mutations of various insects, animals, and people, which would then terrorize cities. Campy, but cool, and Eight-legged Freaks captured the essence of these movies perfectly.

If you’re the uppity artsy-fartsy type who enjoys movies like Sense and Sensibility or Out of Africa (close that mail client, please), don’t bother renting it or buying it, I can already predict you won’t like it. If, however, you enjoy the ultimate in mindless entertainment, combined with black humor and good special effects, check it out.

Time for a book giveaway.

Standard rules apply: one entry per person, email me your answer to the question below with the word "FREDROCKS" as the subject or it will be discarded. The contest ends at 5:00 CST on Monday, November 4, 2002, and is open to anyone on the planet. The randomly chosen winner (from the correct entries, that is) can choose his or her prize - one book - from the following list:

Affluenza
The Myth of Male Power
The Cabinet of Curiosities
Waking Up Screaming from the American Dream

Ready?

This is a multi-step process. I don’t need to see answers to any of the intermediate steps, just the single answer to the question at the end:

1. Determine the title of a Spielberg movie featuring a character named “Private Foley”.

2. Determine the city known for being the southern U.S. home of Disney.

3. Determine the method of death for Inspector Javert.

A single name ties all three of these things together. Whose name is it (first and last, please)?