vituperation

August 24, 2003

Because I like to get out of the house during the day on either Saturday or Sunday, I found myself sitting in front of the computer yesterday morning after breakfast, Googling around for a calendar of events for Huntsville to see if there was anything interesting going on. Robyn sat behind me at her computer, finishing her breakfast while I surfed. The calendar I wanted was on the Huntsville city page, of all places.

A silver collection at the museum of art? I don’t think so.

Some big quilt, also at the museum? Boooooooooooooooring.

Private art collections of Huntsvillians? What is it with this museum and dull things?

Butterflies and treehouses at the Botanical Gardens? Hmmm. This has possibility. I made a mental note to come back to this.

Hey. A gun and knife show. Wait, I don’t need more guns, and I don’t like knives. Damn.

A tour of Three Caves? Robyn and the spud have never seen them, except in my pictures.

"Bessie? You be interested in touring Three Caves with a guide? It’s open today."

She was pretty noncommital about the Three Caves tour.

"I guess so," she said. She said more, but I don’t know what it was because something on the screen had caught my eye.

Animal Planet Expo on the campus of the University of Alabama in Huntsville? That looks like it would be kind of cool. Tents, lots of people their with their pets, displays, and what’s this? DoesthatsaywhatIthinkitdoesohmyGod –

"Bessie!” I shrieked, giddy as a little schoolgirl. "Forget the caves! We have to leave right now!"

Robyn was unimpressed, used to my outbursts.

"Why?" she asked.

"Because Animal Planet is having an expo down at UAH today, and if we get down there right now…" I paused for dramatic effect, because I can be a drama queen with the best of them. "…WE CAN MEET JEFF CORWIN!"

That, friends, suitably impressed her, and we made our way posthaste to the UAH campus. Of course we brought the camera. You expect any less from us?

We see the Expo in the distance.

A trailer, with Animal Planet shit all over it.
And a picture of Steve Irwin.

A great big cat on top of one of the exhibits.
I also included part of my hand, because I love you.

A section of Expo from another angle.
When I was resizing the picture I discovered that since I
graduated, the college named the library after a fish.

People, people, everywhere. And many with their dawgs.

A great big dog, presumably to offset the cat seen previously.

Yet another view. I was standing in the designated "shit" area of the Expo here,
though I suspect I would’ve been ejected from the place had I shat.

We looked all over for the Jeff Corwin setup, and finally spotted a tent off to one side with a huge line in front of it. Hanging from the top of the tent was a small hand-lettered sign that said simply "Meet Jeff Corwin." We edged over to the side of the tent, not willing to stand in the long-assed line but wanting to try and snap a quick stalker-like picture of Jeff.

Jeff wasn’t in the tent.

"But he’s supposed to be here from ten till one," I said to Robyn and the spud, "and it’s just barely noon!"

What a gyp. I mean, we like Animal Planet and everything (especially the Crocodile Hunter on my part and the Animal Precinct on Robyn’s. And everybody loves Jeff Corwin, don’t they?) but let’s face it: such an expo is downright boring without the Corwin factor.

And then the crowd split open in a wave, and Jeff Corwin was there.

He was obviously trying to get away, but was being constantly stopped by fans. He didn’t look his normal happy self; in fact, he almost looked sick. I suspected diarrhea, but Robyn says that’s because I think everything is about bowel movements. I took pictures, but we didn’t approach because, like I said, he looked like he really needed to be out of there.