Adventures in freakdom.
October 28, 2003
Once again, someone who hasn’t seen me in quite some time surreptitiously asked my business partner today if I was “sick” after running into me in the hallway at work.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: It’s not that they don’t notice you lost weight that they don’t say something to you about it. They think you’re dying.
Until I started lifting weights regularly, I shaved every other day with no problems. After weight training began, it became necessary for me to shave every day lest I look like a bum. I assume it was the influx of testosterone, but it could also be related to the weight loss, since body fat and estrogen levels tend to be tied together.
But you’re not here to read about boring stuff like that.
While I wouldn’t go so far as to say I have sensitive skin (despite occasionally sounding like a sensitive new-age guy), my skin hasn’t taken too well to daily shaving, and I tend to get razor burn and dry skin pretty regularly. Switching my shaving from the beginning of the shower to the end (to let the facial hair soften in the steam, and a big thanks to the Queer Eye guys for that one) helped, but my face still gets pretty irritated. I tried shaving in the direction of the hair growth only, too, but then I still look like a bum. No matter what anyone says, shaving against the grain yields the closest shave. For me, anyway.
After careful consideration, I thought it prudent to go to an upscale department store, where high-end shaving supplies are sold. Maybe, I thought, maybe I should try something other than the biggest and cheapest can of shaving cream they have at the grocery store.
And so I found myself in Dillard’s yesterday, a stranger in a strange land among counter after counter of makeups, lotions, colognes, perfumes, body rubs, deodorants, and shampoos. Choosing the route that makes the least sense, Dillard’s has opted to put their men’s grooming supplies with the women’s, rather than in the special freaking store they have JUST for men.
Why yes, I did try the men’s store first, because that makes sense. Wouldn’t anyone?
I looked around, wide-eyed with wonder. Clinique, Estee Lauder, Calvin Klein, Polo, Giorgio, the names whirled in my head like the scents surrounding me, swirling on the backdrafts created by the super-modelesque women flitting about. Do they even hire average women or women over thirty to work at cosmetic counters? I felt significantly underdressed in my jeans with the hole in the butt and rugby shirt.
“May I help you?”
The clerk was about twenty-five and looked like she’d stepped from the pages of Cosmo, down to the beauty mark just above her upper lip.
“I’m looking for something to help my face when I shave. I get razor burn and dry skin pretty easily. I figured maybe trying something besides grocery store products could help. I looked on your web site and saw some stuff that looked pretty good, but I don’t remember the name.”
I waved a hand around at the counters.
“I didn’t know it would be mixed in with all this other stuff,” I said.
She thought for a moment, then led me to to the Clarins counter.
“I remember Clarins,” I said, “but that wasn’t the one I was interested in. The web page only showed two makers, and the other one looked the best to me. I just don’t remember the name.”
I smiled apologetically.
“Susan,” she called, her voice carrying all the way to the far side of the cosmetics section, where the Clinique items were. Fifteen or twenty perfectly coiffed heads of fifteen or twenty beautiful young women between us and Susan looked up at the sound. “Do you have any men’s cosmetics over there?”
I was mortified.
“It’s for shaving!” I yelled. “For razor burn! It’s not really cosmetics!”
Men’s cosmetics, my ass.
Clinique — not the other brand listed on the web site — had some men’s stuff, which I looked at half-heartedly. What the hell is “scruffing lotion”?
(That was rhetorical. I googled and found out it’s a dead-skin-slougher-offer. Ew.)
The clerk asked if there was anyone I could call to find out the brand name, so I called Robyn and asked her to go to the Dillard’s page and look for me.
Chickety-chickety-chick. Chickchick. Chickety.
I could hear her typing for a moment, then all was silent.
“What the fuck?” she said.
“I don’t think that’s a brand name.”
“Shut up.”
Silence reigned on the phone line. I stared at the ceiling and played the if-I’m-not-looking-at-you-you-can’t-see-me game with the clerk. Finally Robyn spoke and we hung up.
“Lab Series!” I said to the clerk. “That’s what it was.”
“We don’t have that here,” she replied, then lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper and looked around. “They have that at Parisian.”
“But it’s on the web site,” I said, trying not to whine at the thought of having to go to another model-filled store. “You’re sure it’s not here?”
“Not every store carries what’s on the site. Let me call Parisian and see if they have it.”
Left to my own devices, I wandered around the cosmetics area while she made the call. And that’s when I spotted it, right there with all the Aramis stuff.
A tiny little Lab Series section.
I told the clerk what I’d discovered and she handed me off to the Aramis / Estee Lauder clerk, who was even better looking and more perfectly groomed, if that was possible. I ended up with Lift Off! Power Wash, Tri-gel Extra Shave Formula, and Razor Burn Relief Plus.
I got a damn fine shave this morning, but the jury’s still out on whether or not it was worth fifty-six dollars.
If you want to get notified whenever Fred writes a journal entry, this link will do the trick.
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I’m with you Fred …. shaving against the grain gets a much closer shave. After I kept hearing the opposite on TV, I gave it a try for a time or two. It doesn’t make any difference how much time I spend, going over and over the same spot on my face, going *with* the grain doesn’t get as close a shave.
I guess my skin isn’t so sensative as I never get razor burn or skin irritation.
I was also wondering about those high end shaving products those gay guys recommend. I use a decent razor (Mach 3 Turbo), but use the grocery store brands of shaving cream or gel …. Barbosol w/menthol or Edge Gel. How do those high end products compare? I’m reluctant to spend $20 bucks for something that works about the same as my $2-3 dollar products.
The Fab Five, and Cyan (or whatever shade of blue he is) in particular have some good advice. I do shave against the grain myself, but slowly so as to do less damage.
As for expensive products. Well, I’ve got sensitive skin, and tired of tiny nicks and dry skin from shaving I sought a better solution. A friend suggestion a ‘pre-shave’ wash with any soap containing “moisturizing” ingredients. He told me, “look for anything that mentions ’silk’. There’s a body wash for women called ‘Skin So Soft’ that works great.”
These kind of soaps and body washes contain some kind of moistuizer designed to stick around after rinsing. Wash the area you shave with this, then apply whatever shaving cream you like best. The extra lubricant protects and moistuizes your skin, but you’re not left feeling slimy afterwards.
I’ve used this method for a few months now, and can recommend it. I only use Herbal Essences body wash, with moisturizer, and plain old Gillette shaving foam. Just the addition of the moistuizer helped immenesly.
Hope this helps..
InkBlot
Martin — the stuff seemed to work well, but I’ve only used it once. The things I *really* noticed were that the power wash leaves my skin feeling nice and soft, instead of dry like the Irish Spring did, and the shaving gel is seriously thick. I mean, this stuff spreads on like butter or icing, instead of being all watery like the cheap stuff.
All in all, today’s experience was a good one, but only time will tell if it was worth the money I spent.
I also use the Mach 3 shaver.
-
Ya know, my sister-in-law used to work for a company called Beaus and Eros (pronounced bows and arrows), and they sell products such as flavored massage oils and vibrators. (They came to your home and gave parties, much like Home Interiors and Pampered Chef…but more fun. Hehe.) They have this gunk called Coochi that women use to shave “down there” to keep from getting razor burn or ingrown hairs. She sold a lot of it to guys with sensitive skin to use on their faces, and apparently all who tried it really liked it. If you don’t mind smearing something called Coochi on your face, it might be worth looking into. I’m sure they have a web site, but really didn’t feel like sifting through the google porn files to find it, so you’re on your own.
Much luck!
Strangely, one usually thinks of having one’s face on the Coochi, instead of the other way around.
Ok, maybe “fuck” isn’t a brand name, but “fcuk” is. Really. Google it.
Or just go here. https://www.fcukfragrance.com/retail2002/main.htm
My husband has that baby sensitive “English rose” type skin, and finds plain old Gillette GEL works a treat!! It seems to have something that foams lack.
Fred,
My husband has been stealing my Daisy Razors and using my Pantene Shampoo Plus Conditioner for lather. I use it on my legs and since he tried it he’s hooked. The Daisy razors have a double strip of slime that lubes like no other razor. He still keeps a cruddy old Gilette hanging in the thingy so people won’t think he’s just a little nellie baby girlie man.
He’s frugal and tries to use the Daisy’s too many times, then he gets razor burn. I cannot take the cheapness out of this man. Try it if Robyn uses Daisy’s anyway, otherwise it might be too much of a pain in the ass. They’re pink so ya gotta have security in your masculinity to use them.
Kathy
Hiya Fred! I’m a convert of your wife’s site, and happen to live with a man who takes his shaving quite seriously. He also has sensitive skin, Irish skin (from his mom) and Italian hair (from his dad.) Anyway, he uses Nivea sensitive skin shave gel, Mach 3 Turbo blades (just another buck on the price, no difference from the 3 I say) and Nivea sensitive skin after shave lotion. He’s said it has made an improvement. They’re usually available at drug stores and grocery stores. You won’t spend $50 bucks either.
I’m usually not this dim witted, but I will confess my “blonde moment” for the day. And hey, I’m blonde, so it’s ok. It did not occur to me, Fred, that you were talking about shaving your FACE until you actually said “my face still gets pretty irritated.” Something about how you started out talking about shaving in relation to lifting weights, I thought you had gone all body
builder-ish and was shaving your chest and/or arms or something.
Yeah, you can laugh. I did too when I *finally* saw the light. Even us brilliant ones have a dim moment!
I can vouch for the Nivea products. I’ve been using them for about a year now after using Edge products since puberty. They are a world of difference. I use the Mach 3 blades too.
I don’t think I could stand the itch from a body shave. About the only thing I ever do with that is get the clippers out from time to time and get Robyn to do my chest and back. It’s short enough that it looks shaved, with no itch.
Any other parts of me that get shaved or trimmed bear no mentioning.
.
I’ve used the Nivea stuff, and even have the after-shave balm still. I felt like it was making me break out so I stopped, but it could’ve been something else.
I’m noting that it looks like I have a rash on my face right now, and I fear it might be from the Power Wash stuff.
Hmph.
Wuss.
Even women go against the grain. Do you know ANYONE who shaves her legs going downward? Seriously, all those adds you see for razors have that little cartoon of the hair being pulled out by the first blade then being trimmed even more by the second and third. That isn’t gonna happen going against the grain. I think the fab five just like the five o’clock shadow.
Oh, sensitive skin is fun to have, isn’t it? After much trial and error, I went with the Kiss My Face fragrance-free shaving lotion for sensitive skin. It’s available from my health food co-op and fairly inexpensive. Switching blades more often is helpful, too. You might try this when the expensive stuff runs out.
hey buddy. Mark (my hubby) works for Gillette her in Boston and since I went to the Mach i’ve never looked back. Will send you some goodies to try out if ya like. Let me know.
Two suggestions:
1) Plain old Suave conditioner. It’s what I use to shave my legs, even without steaming them in the shower first. Stuff’s a buck a bottle, so you can use it willy nilly.
2) Keihl’s makes hella-good products. I have uber-sensitive skin (let me tell ya, I can’t even walk past the Nair at the grocery without my skin flying off my body in protest), and I use their face wash, lip balm, and all sorts of other great stuff. They have a men’s line, but I can’t vouch for that. My favorite product is their pineapple-papaya scrub.
Bonus, they hand out free samples like bad halloween candy.
http://www.kiehls.com/
Also available at Nordstrom’s and otha hi-dolla joints.
Has anyone here tried the old fashion shaving mug and whipping up their own shaving cream with shaving powder and those brushes?
I thought EVERYONE knew you’re supposed to shave at the end of your shower.
Oh well. But I do think every male should know what a pumice stone is and how to use one. Nasty icky boy feet.
I should read the comments before I comment.
Cathy: Someone recommended Coochi to me just the other day for.. well, “down there” shaving. Funny that someone mentions it again. I should look into that.
Out of curiosity, I checked out some men’s grooming webpages. (Do a Google search for ’shaving with the grain’. Most of them recommend going *WITH* the grain. The reason is that while shaving against the grain will yield a closer shave, is also is harder on the skin and can cause skin irritation and ingrown hairs.
So Fred, if skin irritation is a problem, try going *with* the grain and see what happens.