j040101 (imported)
January 1, 2004
Recommendation: Pass the Butterworms is one seriously funny book. I’m only about 50 pages in, and it’s keeping me cackling like a loon.
The moment I’ve been expecting for two months now came this morning while I was getting ready to hop into my just-filled bathtub with the aforementioned book. I was standing at the toilet, butt-assed naked and happily voiding my overpressured bladder, when it happened. I heard the thumpthumpthumpthump of Stanleyfeet racing into the bathroom at his normal bat out of hell speed, a brief silence as he became airborn, then the light sound of claws sliding across faux marble.
Followed by a loud ploonk as he skated over the edge of the tub and into the water.
Stanley didn’t find the situation nearly as funny as I did, and it showed. He cat-paddled frantically in place, his claws madly scrabbling for purchase on the slick sides of the tub. His eyes were yellow slits and his ears lay back flat against his head.
It would have been perfect if the whirlpool had been on.
I stepped over to the tub and scooped him out of the water with one hand. The moment he was safely on the side of the tub he was gone, vanishing through the bathroom door as quickly as he could, pausing every couple of steps to shake one leg spastically. In seconds the only reminder of his presence was the trail of water leading out of sight through the bedroom.
I grabbed a towel for drying him and gave chase, naked as the proverbial jaybird, through the house.
In the bedroom, Spot looked out at me from under the bed, frightened into hiding by the Tasmanian water devil passing through seconds before. I followed the trail of water splotches onto the upstairs landing, where Miz Poo crouched, her eyes dark and her tail puffed out as she stared down the staircase.
At the bottom of the stairs stood Spanky, reaching out a paw to touch at the puddle of water there. The trail led me down the hall and into the kitchen, where it left the ground, wandered across the counter, and continued on the kitchen table. It resumed on the ground and led under the couch. Tubby sat on the back of the couch, a look of disgust on his face. Or maybe it was just hunger. He meowed bitchily at me as I approached.
I found Stanley under the couch, desperately trying to lick his ass but unable to because the bottom of the couch kept him from kicking his leg up high. Grabbing a handful of scruff, I pulled him out so I could dry him off. Tubby meowed, bitchily. Probably at the sight my ass presented him with when I bent down.
One thing I’ll say for Stanley, he’s a happy cat. He purred his fool head off while I dried him, and continued to purr after I finished and he took over the job himself.
He sure makes life interesting.
I grabbed the camera:
Spanky investigates the water on the stairs.
Miz Poo sniffs at the water trail in the hallway.
Tubby sits on the back of the couch, disgusted by it all.
Stanley aims to dry his most important part first. I can’t say I blame him.
I’d have put up a picture of myself naked, but no one wants to see that. I’d have also put up a picture of Spot, but I didn’t feel like going upstairs to take it.
Here’s one from right now:
Giving dad the look o’ love.
Fred, Thank you for that bit of funny for the new year. As always, it was a pleasure!
I’m sitting here laughing my A _ _ off. What a halarious story. My imagination is just rolling into this scene of a naked man running through the house after a water-logged cat!!! Too funny!
Wouldn’t it have been funny if, say your UPS guy showed up?? Or Robyn’s best friend or the neighbor?? That is what would have happened to me!! Guarandamnteed!!!
Thanks for the mental image…. I am going to go stare at the sun for a bit now… (naked man chasing kitty about…)
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just knowing you were naked *taking* those pictures burned out my retinae. You’ll be receiving a bill from my opthalmologist.
LOL i can always expect a laugh out of you or Robyn and clearly you did it again. Too Funny!
Too damn funny. It’s also funny when you are actually in the tub and the cat tries to balance on the faucet. My legs would’ve been shredded had I not wisely moved them before the inevitable plunk! scrabble scrabble…fortuantely no naked cat chasing, hubby was there to dry him off while I laughed til I cried.
This could have only been better if the picture of Stanley had been taken right after he got out, or maybe even while he was still in the tub. Hilarious.
Thank you for a great New Year laugh and for NOT posting nekkie pics of you. I don’t need any ‘man bending over photos’ I gots my Hubby for that!
My friend Sue always used to call that pose of Stanley’s “party tricks” because inevitably, it’s when you’ve got a room of guests (preferably including in-laws and/or bosses) that an animal will point his hind foot skyward and get to business.
Actually I got the Bear a stocking stuffer from a Japanese dollar store that opened up near us that featured a bloodhound doing party tricks. When I first spotted it, it was double take, scandalization, then uncontrollable roaring laughter and the realization that for $2, it was a great prezzie. Wished I’d gotten a spiffy camera for Xmas to take a pic of it for y’all. My mother-in-law said it was “the grossest thing she’s ever seen.” I told her she’d led far too sheltered a life and that next time she was in Vancouver, I’d have to take her to Mack’s Hot Holes Leather and Piercings.
Poor Stanley Bean - he’ll probably be scarred for life! Hee! Hee! I love it when cats are doing crazy things and get wet! I’ve had a wet cat a few times in my life. Tell Bean at least his Momma don’t give him a bath. We had a white cat that loved the underside of a car. He got regular baths and did not like them one bit.