j040104 (imported)
January 4, 2004
So I’m getting spastic about the CBS thing, I’ll admit it. I’m not ashamed of that.
Imagine:
…seeing yourself on TV in the middle of 48 Hours Thursday night.
…working out in the dark to avoid being seen by 100 people in your town, then realizing at least three million people were about to watch you doing it, duck feet and all.
…catching a preview of next week’s Early Show at the end of Friday’s episode and seeing yourself on TV again.
…freaking out over book orders, alternately wondering if you’ll sell out in an hour because so many people want it or not sell any at all because they didn’t mention it or worse, no one was interested.
…did I mention at least three million people would be watching? Between 3,000,000 there and 3,600,000 who read Men’s Health, that’s roughly 6,598,873 more people than I ever imagined would know my name.
…seeing yourself in a promo ad with Renee Zellweger in both the Charles Osgoode show and Face the Nation this morning.
…just knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that your mug is going to show up on 60 Minutes tonight.
…wondering if they could’ve picked a less flattering angle of your flappy neck skin for the promo they’re showing to the entire country.
…understanding that just because you predicted your face would be on 60 Minutes, it won’t.
…knowing that no matter how much I freak out about it, it won’t be nearly as bad as I expect.
…freaking out anyway.
Now imagine doing all that with the anchor of your life some 1200 miles away.
Our yard was being overrun by leaves, both from our trees and our neighbors’. Since we live in the ass-end of a cul-de-sac our front yard — especially between the house and fence — picks up all the neighborhood leaves that blow our way. We don’t even have any trees in the front yard, but our front yard had more leaves than any other in the circle.
Yesterday in the bathtub, I decided it was time to do something about the leaves, and set about making a plan while I soaked. Initially, I thought I’d wait until Robyn and the spud got back from Maine and have the spud help me by holding the bag open while I put leaves in it.
Then I envisioned the actuality of such an idea, and realized it would probably induce a stroke.
I thought long and hard about what to do to accomplish getting all the leaves up by myself, and decided that someone somewhere probably made a device that would hold a trash bag open so I could put leaves in it. Sure enough, a Google showed a handful of products designed for just that task, and I knew in my heart of hearts that Lowe’s would surely have something.
At the very worst, I figured, I can buy a Hula Hoop and use that to hold the bag open.
I searched high and low at Lowe’s, to no avail. They had nothing at all that would help me with the leaf task at hand. Oh sure, they had tons of leaf vacuums and choppers and whatnot, but really, who wants to spend that kind of money for something they do once a year?
I must’ve searched for 20 minutes before I had an idea of stunning brilliance, an idea for something that could help me better than anything else:
I could put the trash bag in a trash can.
Damn, I must make my parents proud.
Kitty love for you:
I love the look Miz Poo is giving you at the picture towards the end - -kinda like “would you please get that camera out of my face and leave me alone?”
I can understand your anxiety. I am still so excited for you!
I was just thinking the other day about Robyn not being home when it aired. That was so sweet (the anchor of my life). Ahhhhhhhhh
About the leaf thing, I have found myself in similiar situations and then remembered that necessity is the mother of all invention! LOL
Loved the kitty pics too!
Robyn is the anchor of your life-awwwwwwwwwwwww how sweet!
So is it going to air on Monday?? Any idea what time?
You should be proud of yourself and all of your accomplishments. Don’t be nervous!
I think it’s perfectly normal to be nervous and run all the “what-ifs” through your mind.
That being said, I know you did great and I can’t wait to see it
Dude, I bought your book last week from Amazon (because then I would have to buy something else to get free shipping) after putting it off because I know you’ll be sold out in a heartbeat after next week. I so enjoyed your fat/phat man journal–and your book really rocks!
What’s good about using a trash can for leaf removal is that you can also lay the can on its side next to the leaf pile and simply push the leaves into the can. My sis has been raking leaves this way for two seasons now. At first I thought she was nuts,but its so much faster !
The cats look as if they miss the girls !
Is Tubby responding to some new medication?
He’s looking positively svelte in that second to last pic!!
Either that…or its as the last poster mentioned…he’s also pining away for the gals
BTW..should we ask for your autograph now? or after the show airs?
Tubby does look great.:)
Hey Fred, I was just thinking last night I wonder why the heck exercises at like 4 in the morning, and then today you mention it’s because of your embarrassment. Is that still the case looking how you do, I mean I could understand it before , but not now.
Whenever I am at your site and you have the kitty pictures up , our daughter comes running over and is awwwwing and arrrring all over them. We use to have a cat just like stanley and funnily enough although he didn’t have a shortened tail, he had a kink right at the end of it. A cat stay place lost him once when we went on holiday and we found him three months later, we knew it was him but the kink in the tail confirmed it.
Pauleene
Just running, Pauleene. I ride my bike, hike, and kayak in the middle of the day.
are you embarrassed to run in public? I know once I could run 20minutes straight I felt like a runner and thought to heck what the world thought
I just don’t like to feel watched when I run. It’s not quite “embarrassment”, just a lack of desire to be looked at.
(and yes, I know it’s in my head
)
I wish I was somebody’s anchor - too sweet - you and Robyn are so fortunate in life with each other.
The number of cat pictures in Fred’s journal increases with his boredom, have you noticed?
(Less than 48 hours and I’ll be home!)
Stanley is giving you the most devilish look in that second picture, like he’s about to make a leap for that camera and end the picture taking once and for all. Too cute!
Hope I catch you on TV. I also already bought the book because I know you’ll get so many requests soon
Excellent read so far!
A lawnmower with a bagger is Paco’s preferred method of leaf removal. Raking sucks.
Ok-here is another way to rake up leaves. This comes from the upper midwest where we rake for a month…
Lay a plastic bag on the ground-Step on the bottom half of the bag with one foot on the left side and one foot on the right side that is touching the ground-Your ass should be pointing towards the back of the bag-lift the top half of the bag with your left hand-draw the leaf pile with the rake that is in your right hand between your legs and into the bag-or you can just get a garbage can
you saved yourself a few bucks by not finding a grass-bag frame. at the slightest hint of weight in the bag …it starts to pull away from the frame. i tried one this past fall …and will be using the ‘bag in the can on its side’ trick next season. love the kitties …if i reincarnate ..i want to be a cat in a cat lovers home.
would love to see you tomorrow on the show …but i live in canada. is it nbc, cbs, fox?
The Bean is so cute! Not that they all aren’t, but there’s just something about Stanley!
Miz Poo looks so surprised that you would venture up to the heights she had to climb to get away from everyone else. And the kitties do look like they miss Robyn. I know it’s probably in my head, butI like to think Miz Poo is grumpy ’cause she’s the only girl at home right now and all the boys are anxious because there aren’t any women there to love them.
I tivoed The Early Show today and skimmed through the whole thing and didn’t see you. What time were you on?
re: the cat pictures.
Thanks all.
—–
re: CBS
I don’t know why it didn’t air, nor do I now have any idea when it will. You’ll know (moreover, the notify list will know) when I do.
—–
re: the anchor comment
Yes, I *am* a sweet husband, and greatly underappreciated.
——-
ohhhhhhh Fred! If you are underappreciated then come live in NY with me! Oh, wait, my husband might not like that. Of course if I use the anchor of my life comment on him….
So happy for you!!!!
And I am buying the book!
You Rock!
WHEW! I had to get my girls ready for school and kept running back to the TV to see if you were on…I thought for sure that I had missed it and would have to start begging someone for a tape !
Boo… It got bumped because (and I quote) “Britain’s Princess Anne will send her dog to an animal psychologist to avoid having it euthanized after it attacked a royal maid and fatally mauled one of Queen Elizabeth II’s beloved corgis,” and we all know that THIS is breaking news that can’t wait.
Geez…
;-) Robert
WHEW I am glad it didn’t air. My vcr did not record it!!
Clearly this is a ratings ploy by CBS designed to get all of your and Robyn’s loyal readership to tune in on a daily basis.
. . . and I thought it got bumped because Britney got married . . . sort of . . . Hey guys, there’s important stuff going on in the world!
Harumph!
I agree with Char - this is an attempt by CBS to lure me away from Fox News!!! Hope it will air soon - that Harry guy gets on my nerves….. Sweet kitty - kats!!
Yay, I didn’t miss it. Forgot to throw a tape in the VCR this morning. I get a reprieve
But why on earth are they waiting this long to play it? Maybe they’re waiting for Robyn and The Spud to come home so you can all watch it together??
Fred’s Early Show segment will be on this morning between 8 and 9. I just saw a promo for it.
Woo hoo! I saw Fred! For those of you who have to scan the tape, it was between about 8:00 and 8:15.
Fred, you did a great job!
BRAVO BRAVO BRAVO!!! And I was gigglin’ like a fool when I saw all of Robyns smiley face doo-hickeys in the background! You ROCK, Fred!!
Great job this morning Fred! You looked great and you are such an inspiration! I’ve been reading the journal for a while now and ordered the book yesterday (to beat the inevitable rush). I started my weight loss journey today and am looking forward to reading about how you did it b/c I think your way is one of the most sensible I’ve ever heard.
Again, way to go!
P.S. Adore all the kitty pix!!
Just saw you on t.v. Fred! You did a great job! And boy howdy, but you’re looking mighty fine these days! (Don’t tell Robyn I said so)
Just watched the video over at the CBS web site - great segment! I’m glad I already have my autographed copy, since I’m sure all your books will sell out!
Just wanted to say that you looked great this morning and I thought you interview nicely. I would probably sounded like Bobcat Goldthwait I would of been so nervous. You were so calm and factual. You should do this for a living!
Anyway, congrats on your 4 1/2 minutes of fame
I think what amazed me was how, I dunno, not “soft spoken” per say, but how gentle and calm you came off in the interview. I guess I expected more, ‘brashness’ maybe from Mr. Vituperation.
Anyway, you looked and sounded GREAT Fred! I loved reading 1Phat Man, I love your book, I love lurking around Vit. and B-Poo, and I think you and Robyn are GREAT! And you are a real inspiration to me! (OK done brown nosing LOL)
Kitty
I just watched the segment online @ CBSs site. Great job on your achievements! Congrats to you!
Damn! Damn! Damn! Freakin Damn! Fred, I taped the entire show yesterday (01/05/04). I zipped through the whole tape trying to find you. That little tramp took your time…I didn’t receive your update until 1:00 p.m. today. I missed the whole thing!
If you make copies, let us know. Many of your “fans” would gladly pay to see “The Man!”
A handy way to hold a leaf-bag open is to get a crazy carpet, roll it up and tuck inside the bag. The crazy carpet will unroll so that it expands the bag to it’s maximum dimensions. When you’re finished stuffing leaves into the bag, it slides right out and stores neatly in the garage.
Oh yah… a crazy carpet is a peice of slippery plastic that Canadian children use to plummet helter-skelter down snow-covered slopes. They’re about $1.98 at Canadian Tire. Is there such a thing in your part of the world?
http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/earlyshow/main500202.shtml
Thar he be… in all his glory!
Missed the segment on TV.. but happy to catch the website!
So glad for the internet so that we down under could get to see your CBS segment.
The picture of your face on the CBS page, looks postively thin!
Great job Fred.
Karen - thanks for posting that link!
Fred - WOW - That was great! You seemed so calm and collected! You made all of us who have been following your progress proud!