j040405 (imported)
April 5, 2004
Saturday evening after dinner I took the spud over to the Books-A-Million parking lot to visit the tiny travelling fair that had set up shop there. We wandered around, checked out all the rides, and then I bought a book of 25 tickets so we could ride stuff.
Apparently, I’ve gotten old since the last time I rode an amusement park ride.
We ended up riding only two things: the Scrambler and the Tornado. We rode the Tornado three times (I spun the car a little too vigorously the third time and made us both nauseated), and the Scrambler once. Humorously, the first time we rode the Tornado we had to wait in line while the operator hosed vomit off one of the cars. It looked like someone got to enjoy that funnel cake twice.
The guy running the Scrambler had to STOP the ride because our car was banging into the support post every time we crossed it. He said it was because the spud and I weighed more than the tiny woman and child in the car opposite us. The solution to the problem? Why, just taking out a big wrench and removing the part of our car that was banging into the support post, of course.
Suffice it to say I didn’t care too much for the Scrambler.
I had plenty of bitchy old-man reasons for wanting to skip all the other rides, too. The Paratrooper looked too damn scary. All I could imagine was getting flung off it into a crowd of screaming rednecks, reduced to so much bloody gel. No thanks.
Ring of Fire? Nope, they hang your ass upside down at the top for a good solid minute. Screw that.
No to the Ferris wheel, too, ’cause it’s too damn high. I’m not too keen on the high places.
The bumper cars looked too boring.
The Tempest looked fun, but it was taking them about 10 minutes between rides to get it loaded up, and I’m not known for my patience.
All the other rides were for little kids.
There was a big slide — much more my speed, incidentally — I wanted to go on, but the spud was too embarrassed at the notion of me on the slide with the three-year-olds so I didn’t.
It still looked like fun.
“Joebob’s Flowers, may I help you?”
“Yes,” I said. “I need to order some flowers for someone in the hospital.”
“Okay, what’s the patient’s name?”
I told her his name.
“Hospital?”
“Limestone County.”
“Do you know the room number?”
I gave her the number to his room.
“Do you have an account with us or will this be on a credit card?”
I told her my corporate Amex information.
“Do you want to send a plant, or an arrangement?”
“Make him an arrangement, please,” I said, and grinned evilly. “The froofiest, most feminine one you can make. I mean, make it as unmanly as you possibly can.”
She laughed.
“What do you want on the card?” she asked.
“Write ‘From your partners’, please.”
It suddenly dawned on me that I’d just asked this woman to send the gayest arrangement of flowers she could make, then promptly declared myself to be one of the recipient’s partners.
“We’re his business partners,” I added quickly, “Not his partner partners.”
“Mmm-hmm,” she said, not at all sounding like she believed me.
How do I manage to get myself into these conversations?
At what point in her driving can I expect the spud to learn that after you back out of a driveway or parking place, you have to actually put the car in drive to go forward? It’s like she thinks that because she wants to go forward, the car will magically figure that out and take itself from reverse to drive.
Scarily, I’m afraid we’re getting close to the point where we’re going to practice driving on the street instead of the high school parking lot, God help me.
The Stump gets a workout (photo props to the wife):
Those are some nice pictures. I wonder who took those pictures?
I love bumper cars! Hitting total strangers and then zooming away, giggling like a lunatic all the while.
Nice cat photos. Like the radioactive eyes in the second one.
The tongue sticking out must help your balance while holding out Stanley’s toy? (first photo) My husband uses the same balancing trick.
Cool photos Robyn!
Great pictures! The tongue thing - it is for aim not balance. At least for the males in my family. (Unfortunately, Dad taught me to aim and I’ve caught myself with the tongue out and aiming!) What energy Bean has.
Per the carneval rides - life is sad when we get old. I found that out when I went roller skating with a group of Brownie Girl Scouts. So very sad.
Kudos to Robyn on the pic taking! Since we can see Fred’s arm he cannot get the credit this time..hehe.
About the Scrambler. I would of gotten OFF that thing. I have seen and personally had more weight on those things and never scraped. I am a chicken shit at those fly by night fairs.
That last pic of the Bean should be on some SWAG stuff. It just looks like a freak out! You cannot see the toy. LOL
I was laughing my ass off over the bit about expecting the car to magically go forward. Reminded me of an incident soon after my stepdaughter got her license. She was driving our big old van, which had two gas tanks, only one of which actually worked. The broken one was full, so we figured between the fact that we’d warned her only to put gas in the rear gank and the fact that you simply couldn’t put gas into the forward one because it had just been filled right before its internal pump died that there was no way she could end up having a problem filling the tank.
Wrong. The first time she tried to put gas in it by herself, she made a frantic call to my husband from a gas station pay phone saying the tank wouldn’t take any gas and yes (SIGH!), she did make sure she was filling the rear tank. So he drove over there to rescue her and discovered that she didn’t realize that there were two separate gas tank openings. Turns out she thought that if the tank selector lever was set to the rear tank, she could just put gas in the only opening she’d noticed and it would magically end up in the rear tank.
Those action shots ROCK.
How do I manage to get myself into these conversations?
You’re a very talented boy.
And hee! Super Stump!
Great cat pics! Unlike humans (well, unlike me, anyway) cats look so effortlessly athletic . . .
At least you didn’t spit on/at the poor Flower Lady…….
Great Bean pics! Robyn should be a PRO!
Great kitty-aerobics pics I love the last one, he looks suprised as hell that he’s falling from the air. Cute stuff
)
~Denise~ in Georgia
hee! i love midair kitty!
I love the 2nd and last pics of the Bean! Especially the last one–so cute! God, I want a kitten so bad.
I feel ya about the roller coaster & fair rides thing. Even at age 23, the last time I went on a roller coaster, i realized I’m way too scared of dying by means of hurtling off a track or being flung off into space to ride them ever again. Especially the el cheapo, operated-by-God-knows-what-they’re-actually-smoking-folks carnival rides. Man. I had a lot of fun thinking I was immortal when I was little.
Loved your “partner” story, too. I think you have a gift for such events.
Reading this entry brought back the memories from your Phat Man journal about NOT being able to fit into amusement ride seats! How nicely life has changed. Now you don’t ride them because you don’t WANT to, not that you CAN’T. Do you still stop and marvel at what you have accomplished!
Hee!
That last pic looks like he’s thinking
“Hmm this didn’t turn out at all like I expected.”