Adventures in freakdom.
It’s no great secret that I eat mucho healthy food every day of the week except Friday, and on Friday I eat crappy foods when I so choose. Today, being Friday, found me on my way to Burger King for what has become something of a weekly ritual: a lunchtime Whopper Value Meal, king-sized.
With a Diet Coke. Heh.
I drove down the road in my own little world, thinking about nothing more than flame-broiled goodness and the bag of almond m&ms waiting for me later tonight at home. If you are unaware, almond m&ms are a legal form of crack with a tiny bit of redeeming nutritional value. A sign caught my eye then, like it does every week when I’m driving to Burger King: Bakery Thrift Store. I always think about checking it out, but never stop. Today, my mind flashed back to earlier this morning, when I called Robyn after she’d been to the grocery store.
Did you get anything cakey, by chance? Little Debbie, or something? I’d asked. Sometimes I still like the Little Debbies, ironically. At least, ironically to those in the secret Fred club.
No, she’d said. Oh, shit. I forgot to get anything for the spud. I just got ice cream and m&ms. We generally get the spud some sort of junky sweet thing for Friday night, like a candy bar or a packet from a box of Little Debbies.
I can stop on the way home, I guess, I’d said, before we hung up.
Realizing I could kill two birds with one stone — not only finally see the store but also get something cakey to share with the spud — I turned into the parking lot. A sign taped to the front door informed me that the thrift shop didn’t accept debt cards, debit cards, or credit cards. A jangling bell announced my entrance, causing the three people in the store to look at me.
Loaves of past-date bread lined the walls of the tiny store, and the air was heavy with its pleasant scent. I nodded at the people looking at me and scanned the store for cakey items. Two shelf units stood in the center of the store, loaded with Entenmann’s boxes, each bedecked with signs announcing that with the purchase of two items, a third would be free. I took the three steps necessary to get between the shelves.
Like I said, it was a tiny store.
“That’ll be $21.89,” the woman behind the counter told the man in front of it. I looked over to see what might cost that much in a bakery thrift shop, and saw that he was buying about ten Entenmann’s cake and donut packs. “Who you trying to sweeten up?” she asked with a sly grin.
“People at church,” the man replied. The third customer, an older gentleman standing off to one side of the counter, watched them silently. The first man continued. “We have fellowship between the sermon and Sunday school and these are for that. And I’m going to freeze a couple.”
He finished his transaction and left while I studied the boxes of Entenmann’s. Everything looked good, yet nothing looked appealing. Such is the dilemma when you’re in the mood for a Whopper and staring at a lot of decidedly non-Whopper things.
After great deliberation, I grudgingly picked up a raspberry danish twist and a coffee cake. At $1.89 each, I could get both, try them later, and eat a nice piece of whichever I liked the most. Plus, I could share with the spud. Happy with my decision, I took the two boxes to the counter and plopped them down.
“You get a free one,” the woman behind the counter said. The other customer regarded us silently from the end of the counter.
“I know. I don’t want it.”
Her eyes widened in shock.
“But it’s free.”
“I know. Still don’t want it.”
“You don’t have to pay for it.”
“I understand. Really, these are all I want.”
“At least go pick out a few things from the snack-sized stuff,” she said, pointing to the large basket of individually-wrapped snack cakes. “Do you have kids?”
“I have one, and she’ll get some of this. We don’t eat stuff like this too often — matter of fact, after I eat a piece of this tonight, I’m going to throw the rest away.”
By her expression, one might think I’d just invited her to have a threesome with me and the other customer, the lot of us wrapped up together in a glistening and grunting pile of humanity in the back room amongst the boxes of overstock.
“Nobody’s ever turned down the free one,” she said.
“It would just be wasted if I took it.” I smiled at her. “If you really need to get rid of it, just give it to someone else who comes in.”
I paid, took my change, and left. On my way back by, after the trip to Burger King, I almost ran down the third customer as he crossed the busy road in front of me, clutching an Entenmann’s box to his chest.
If you want to get notified whenever Fred writes a journal entry, this link will do the trick.
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You’re amazing. What more is there to say??
I get the same reaction at the movies when they tell me that I can get the super-extra-large-barrel size Diet Coke for just a quarter more!
You are one of the good guys Fred. Knowing me I would probably take the free one and give it to a homeless person with a nice hot cup of Joe. I know it is not nutritious but if one is homeless I guess food is food.
Does your Bakery Thrift Store have a sign that says “Wednesday-Bargin Day”? I always wonder if they spell bargain that way on purpose, because I saw the same sign in another town and bargain was spelled Bargin. So I’m curious to know if your store has that sign.
Gotta go hit the vending machine — got a taste for something sweet after reading your entry.
Linda,
There wasn’t a “bargin” sign that I saw, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t overlook it.
——
And Donna / Pat? While I always enjoy kudos, I’m not quite sure I deserve them here — all I did was not take the free cake they offered. Definitely doesn’t qualify me for sainthood.
It’s like at McDonalds with one apple pie for $.99 and two for $1.00. Why one EARTH would I need two if I’m just one person? (A 5′3″ female person, at that.) I say no, I don’t want the second…”But it’s only a penny extra!” they say. “No, thanks, I’d just throw it away…” You can’t believe their disbelief– as if I’d just told them 2+2=5, and I’m stickin’ to it.
As a member of the secret Fred club, I’m not surprised that you still have a warm fuzzy for lil debbie cakes
And I (along with other) feel that you ARE one of the good guys and a nice example and role model. It was VERY nice to see an entry today - I hit every day so it’s nice when there you are! Take care,
Mary
You probably made that guy’s day Fred. A free box of Entenmann’s! So I guess he just walked out in front of ya thinking about his luck??
Yeah, I check everyday to see if you might update and you made my day!
Just in case those of you who check for an update every day didn’t know, the nifty link on the left side of the screen (near the top of the entry) that says ‘Notify list’ will get you to a place where you can set yourself up to get an email every time I update.
I have a friend who throws away all her leftover Halloween candy the minute the trick-or-treaters are out of sight. She says she’d just be giving it away anyway. Excellent ideas!
That’s a great image of the guy clutching his found treasure. We have a cellular commercial here about a man that went ‘nocturnal’ to take advantage of free night minutes; in my mind your happy cake fellow is darting about like that guy.
Saturday, my boyfriend and I were craving Krispy Kreme doughnuts. They are the worst at getting you to buy more for less. A half dozen is priced at $5.40 if you buy them individually. If you buy doughnuts at the dozen price, it is $6.19. I always walk in to the store with the intention of buying a few and walk out with a dozen. Oh boy.
Just a comment about Little Debbies. I had the opportunity to have a pack of Zebra Cakes last week. I only ate one, and saved the other until this week, and even then, didn’t really want it. Those things leave a film on the roof of your mouth, worse than bologna. Swiss Cake Rolls are still THE BOMB, though. =)
The secret Fred Club…how funny is that…
I myelf always find it ammussing that people are always trying to give you huge sloppy sizings..hell go to a restaurant and there is no such thing as portion control…go to an Italian restaurant and watch as they bring you out 2 loaves of bread and pasta enough for 3 people
That was a sweet image of the man clutching his baked goodness. I hope he enjoyed every tasty bite.
Fred, you kick arse. Great story!