Adventures in freakdom.
December 2, 2004
Many thanks to all who read and commented on the Jake chapter from my last entry, they were greatly appreciated.
And now, boys and girls, it’s time for another lesson on internet etiquette, Fred-style.
A few days ago, Robyn wrote an entry for a WordGoddess collaboration, the subject of which was “What if?” In her entry, she explored the question “What if I had grown up in a house where my weight wasn’t a big deal?” Many people loved that entry, and left loads of positive feedback.
One person, however, decided to use the cloak of internet anonymity to say (on a whole other entry, so more people would see it, mind you):
This comment is regarding your blog of Sunday, regarding the book “Losing It”. You are never going to lose the weight you want, if at about age 35, you are still blaming your mom. Get over it. Let’s say that the writer is correct, and your mother was the cause of your weight problems. How does that today help you lose the weight you want to lose today? If it doesn’t get you to eat better and get on a treadmill, it is worthless information. I will put it bluntly, and I am not saying this to hurt you, but to motivate you. You don’t work outside the house, you only have 1 kid, you spend too much time sitting in front of the computer, boob tube, and reading. You seem to have some bucks, go get a personal trainer. Once you get medical clearance, go for it.
My, my, my. Such rudeness — in the guise of being helpful — comes with not leaving your name with a comment, doesn’t it?
Robyn responded to the comment, rather eloquently, yesterday, and pointed out that the anonymous poster didn’t hurt her by the rude comment, just annoyed her instead.
I don’t like it when people annoy my wife, especially when they do it by basically coming into our house and shitting on the carpet. However, as we all learned from the Jackie incident, when you shit on the carpet you inevitably step in it on your way out. And everybody knows what happens when you step in the shit.
You leave tracks.
Funny things happen when you leave computer-shit tracks in the home of a geek whose job is computer security.
Dear Anonymous:
Do you mind if I call you Sean? I feel like we practically know each other, given that it turns out you’ve emailed me several times. You were always pretty nice to me, so what gives? Why the rudeness to my wife?
Because I’m nice, I won’t share your last name, but here’s a hint for you so you’ll know I really know it: [removed by Fred due to overzealous readers]. It’s hidden in there, and you know what it is.
While I’m not sharing, I also won’t share your home address or phone number. (Hope you enjoyed my book, though)
Because I’m feeling particularly magnanimous, I won’t mention where you work, but if you could hook me up with some of the models you guys use, that would rock. They’re pretty hot. I won’t tell Robyn if you do. I also won’t tell Bill — your boss — what you’re doing on work time and equipment.
I’m sorry your musical career doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I had a business go belly up once, and it sucked. Good thing you have that day job, the one with the models. One benefit to having the company that doesn’t do well, though: tax writeoffs. So buck up, little camper. Heck, I liked the song I heard. A little, anyway.
Watch those tracks, they’re everywhere.
Oh, and speaking of belly up, I don’t want to be rude or out of line, but based on the pictures of you I found, I’m thinking you’re not the person to be giving unsolicited advice to anyone about losing weight or being in shape. You know, that whole pot and kettle thing. So unseemly, really.
I’ve included one of the pictures of you, because you’re probably thinking Fred’s bullshitting me, he didn’t find pictures. I took the liberty of blurring your face because, as I’ve mentioned, I’m a nice guy and all I want is for you to play nice when you’re in my house.
[Image removed by Fred due to
overzealous readers]Please don’t shit on my rug again, Sean.
Sincerely, Fred
P.S: Dude, what’s up with those DVD reviews? Have you no taste in movies?
If you want to get notified whenever Fred writes a journal entry, this link will do the trick.
| S | M | T | W | T | F | S |
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| 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
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You probably know this already, but you seriously ROCK.
Way to stick up for your woman!
Kim
That’s impressive. Enough said.
Priceless.
Man, oh, man! My guess is that he’ll be making a mess on his OWN carpet upon reading this! Ha! Right on, Fred!
Imagine, Sean, if FRED had chosen to NOT play nice, and released all your info to his and Robyn’s devoted fans? It would have RAINED DOWN UPON YOU, Dude!
I’m impressed Fred. For defending your wife, your internet home, and for playing nice.
C’Mon now Fred
Without Sean I would have never known I am a lazy mouth stuffing pig LOL!
Robyn is one lucky lady to have you!
That’s a scary talent Fred!
Wow! Sss-weet!
You kick some major ass!
Good on ya.
For some odd reason I want to see what you can find out about me! I promise not to write a rude e-mail to provoke you though. Anyway, I’m pretty boring.
You do SO rock. It’s allllllll about karma eh? You are a good husband to protect your doll of a wife like that.
Wow, Fred. That was awesome.
Oh my! You are like one of the most romantic best husbands ever……. along with my husband and my Dad, of course. Fred, I think I love you even if you don’t like cheese on your salad.
Do ya ride a white horse?
You are a good husband, Fred. Nicely done!
Fred… You are awsome! I read Robin’s post and might I say.. She is awsome too! For one, you are apparently very good with that whole “scare the crap outta a person” thing.
Hey, I wanted to find someone that owed me money, from the third grade… think you can help out? Just kidding 
I have my own personal feelings on this assmunch that wrote in to Robin, I shall refrain, family environment and all and my mother always said if you don’t have anything nice to say… kick some ass. Haha. Ignorance is rampant nowadays and I truly admire you and Robin for how you dealt with the Troll’s comments.
Awsome job on the story btw.. when can we expect another installment?
Fred, I have never commented on your site before, but I may I say: Bravo!!!!!!!!
Remind me not to piss you off! (Or Robyn either, for that matter.)
Well done, Fred. The Anders0ns ROCK!
I think Sean may be making a mess in his panties right now!
Muahhhhh!
Right on, Fred! I think you and Robyn are great and I appreciate that you stuck up for her, though she was quite eloquent in sticking up for herself!
Oh my gosh! I’m laughing so hard I think I’m going to piss myself. Fred, you and Robyn are an unbelievable duo. You, my cyber-friend, are definitely someone NOT to cross. Oh the foolish and their misplaced sense of anonymity. Kudos, Fred. Kudos, Robyn. Spud, I hope you’re paying attention!
Cheers,
Aly n’ the Jumpin’ Bean
Fred… That pictures scares the hell out of me because from what I can see of it, it looks exactly like my husband. Seriously, same hair cut, same neck, same ears. Although I know it’s not him, we are not from NJ. My husbands name is Michael and he never reads journals. Not to mention, he would never be that rude. Weird though. Way to go for sticking up for Robyn. Some people will never learn to shut their big fat pie holes and keep their rude unwanted comments to themselves.
I must repeat what has been said “BRAVO!” and of course you do rock!!!
Fred, you just rock! I hope Sean is shitting himself
paybacks are a bitch 
Oh that was pricesless!!! Bravo, you rock, what everyone else has already said. That is soooooo cool that you’re able to do that. I thought your not-so-nice readers would have learned after the “Jackie” incident, but I guess not…
DAAAAAAY-UM.
I thought I felt a mini-earthquake, but it was actually Fred throwing a smackdown.
Anonymous is a guy ?? I thought for sure it was a woman because the comments were catty! (No offense meant to women,cuz I is one.)
Forrest,you’re one hellva a guy.
OH MYYYY GAWWWDDDD! How funny!!! I did NOT want to laugh tonight! (broken ribs) What can i say that the others haven’t already? Saaaalute to Fred!!
Ha ha ha hah!!! I love it! You rock, Fred!
Fred you are the best!! Robyn is one lucky woman.
Well done, sir.
Fred,
I gotta say that was outstanding!
)
I am just in awe of your knowledge !
It’s freakishly scary…in a GOOD way
Happy Holidays to you, Robyn and The Spud
~Denise~ in Georgia
All Praise Fred, the Computer God of Wrath!
Fred, can you share… did he like Daredevil?
I’ve always enjoyed reading both you and Robyn. When I need a break from crap one of my favorite things to do is to visit the Andersons. The cat stories, motivation from people who know what it’s like having weight issues, Robyn’s fiesty attitude and Fred’s blue bath fizz tinged lips, all of these have helped me thru some rough times…
But….the main thing I read you guys for…is the relationship you have in your family of 3 humans and fur babies.
You guys are GREAT!
Dear dear dear, Sean is obviously new to the site, otherwise he’d know about the Jackie incident, and how we all know not to leave anonymous shit lying around.
Very cool
Pauleene
Fred - as always, you are on the spot.
Mr. Lakewood must not have known about the JAckie incident.
You are certainly a fine gentleman, standing up for your lovely wife.
Hooray. Can you kick butt for me some time?
Maybe Sean learned something today, ya think???
BWAAH-HAA! Go ahead on with your bad self, Fred! That was awesome!
Dude, I thought I was turning into a primo internet-stalker the day I learned you could Google peoples’ names. I am so in awe. Do you ever do that just for fun? Cyber-tail all us comment-leaving guestbook people just because you can? Wow. The internet really freaks me out, you know?? I’m glad you use your powers for good rather than evil.
I just LOVE it.
I knew you’d know and would be able to track him down and out him to us
Way to go!!!!
Fred I think there is a future for you in the Mob.
Heh.
As if you don’t hear it enough. That rocks my socks the way you look out for Robyn!
Good man Fred, good man.
Awesome, Fred. Just awesome.
Thats fantastic in a seriously creepy way, you are übercomputergeekhubby
if you happen to know the coveted secret of using PKI in combo with RSA, track our droppings and call sometime, my übergeekyhubby would love to know what it is LOL good stuff this internet security, yep!
First, 5000 cool points to Robyn for using ’sanctimonious twit’ in her rebuttal. I loved that. :0)
And way to go Fred. Beautiful.
Hi Fred,
This entry has peaked my interest in this kinda stuff. Are there some books you can recommend where the fairly computer illiterate can learn more about this kind of security stuff? I can use my own computer and even fix a few things but I’m looking for beginner type books, if they even exist. And of course, I LOVED this entry as I do with all yours and Robyn’s.
Cheers!
Talluleh
Thanks, guys. I just wanted to show that you’re never anonymous even when you think you are (though there ARE some good ways to be anonymous online, just leaving your name off a comment ain’t those ways).
——–
Cat, I use PKI (boy, do I) and I’ve used RSA, but the PKI I use doesn’t use RSA.
——–
Talluleh, unfortunately I don’t know any books. What I know just came from years of working with low-level internet protocols and knowing how to track that sort of thing.
I guess Sean has learned his lesson!! =) When people leave rude remarks on my comments I just delete them. I don’t think twice about it. I think the whole thing is kind of scary because you, Fred, are cool. But there must be people out there who aren’t and can do the same thing!!!
LMAO,m I love these entires…Kick ass Fred
You are the greatest, Fred!!
Amazing, and extremely entertaining.
Your such a sweet husband.
Fred,
Wow, since you know how to do all that hunting down stuff for good information, I really need a HUGE favor. There’s this guy in Alabama who for some reason won’t tell what kind of car he drives. Can you snoop around and find out from internet records, mayb DOT records or some such thing, what kind of car he has?
His name is Fred.
Thanks,
Teresa
You are SO DA MAN!!! GO Fred Go Fred…hehehehe. I wish I was as smart as you…damnit. lol
Oooooh suh, I sho’ nuff don’t wanna make you mad!!!!
Good day to ya, heauh.
Teresa is funny!
I think its a grand cherokkee???
Ahhhh….sometimes the sweet sight of retribution is enough to make my day.
You guys have a good weekend.
Hey Fred, give us some more hints so we can find this guy for ourselves??PLEASE?!? Think of it as a challenge for your readers.
Fred you rock! This was hilarious!
well Scheiße its back to the drawing board then
thanks anyway!!
Fred, buddy, you scare the shit out of me! In really good sort of way.
Way to go Fred!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, I totally understand. You are not trying to hurt Sean, just motivate him. hehe
This was wonderful to read. I love those types that are only trying to help but don’t possess the courage to represent their own convictions. Glad you put him in his place.
It warms my heart to see things like what you just did.
I agree with your philosophy and applaud your tackful and restrained response.
Wonderful!
Oh my God!! You rock! Sign me up for your next “internet detective” course. LOL
wow… hats off to you. that has got to be the most hilarious, well put, well done, in your face response to nasty, chicken, bogus commenting i’ve ever soon. that was awesome! i wanna be you detective!
Fred rules the school. Nay, Fred rules all. Robyn’s one lucky woman. Then again, Robyn’s got such a good head on her shoulders, she’d only pick the best, right?
Fred, you’re the absolute best. What a guy! Happly holidays to your family and by the way I enjoyed your book. It has motivate me to lose 66 lbs and more to come. Thanks for the great entry!
Fred, I’m not enough of a detective to find this guy on the internet even if I wanted to, I was only kidding!
I just think that it was really nice of you to be as polite as you were. that was great
You’re at 69 comments right now, and I’d hate to be the one to change it and make it 70, but I had to say…you make me afraid to use the internet! Not that I go around making rude comments or anything…but if anyone decides they want to know anything about you for whatever reason, well, that’s just scary what you found out about dude! Way to stick up for Robyn though…dude’s an ass!
HA! I am so crushing on you right now. I’ll pay you to teach me some of this stuff. No really, some of my friends over on the infertility boards have some really nasty trolls who are taking photos of their very hard won babies and putting them on a site for the “child-free” but also putting blood all over the photos and cutting the eyes out, then dropping sly little notes in the mothers’ visitor books telling them to go see the photos. It’s sick. Let me know if you do freelance stuff. Seriously.