j050316 (imported)
March 16, 2005
Many thanks to all who expressed concern over the state of my balls. They’re fine, thank you. Perfectly fine.
Because I am a dumbass of epic proportion.
When I made the appointment, the nice lady behind the counter suggested Thursday, March 10. I asked for Friday. She looked, and said, “I have one on the next Friday at 9:15, how about that?”
I agreed, took the little card with the date and time of my emasculation procedure, and never even looked at it, because in my great big dumbass head “next Friday” was the very next day instead of the one a week away.
So, I showed up with my jockstrap and freshly shaved ballsack last Friday morning, only to find out that my appointment was really for the 18th. This Friday.
Except, that’s no good either, because it conflicts with something the spud has. I back-and-forthed with the nurse, trying to get a Friday so I could rest my balls over a weekend before returning to work, and finally managed to wrangle an appointment for the end of April.
So I’m still fertile.
With itchy, stubbly testicles.
Obviously, a day off work Friday gave me idle hands, and we all know idle hands are the Debbil’s playground, because that meant I had to find something to occupy that time…
From the “who here didn’t expect this?” department:
Goodbye regular old 60-inch projection TV:
Hello 62-inch high-definition projection TV:
With HDTV, people aren’t nearly as good-looking, I’ve found. You can see every little flaw in their skin, every hair out of place, every wrinkle and line.
It’s awesome.
Anyone want to buy a 60-inch projection TV, an assload of Bose speakers, or a 16-inch powered subwoofer?
The mysterious red device shown in the first HDTV picture, under the TV, with the Satanic eye-shaped lights, is a computer. Specifically, it’s a Linux system with three cable tuners in it running MythTV.
It’s like a Tivo on steroids.
Its whole job — its reason for living, you might say — is to scan our cable lines for things we want to see, and record them to its almost 400 gigabyte disk array. Up to three shows at the same time. Because of all the digital processing, it makes the standard cable image better than normal, and it can hold about 200 hours of programming.
It can play and burn DVDs, surf the web using the wireless keyboard that leans against the couch, give us instant weather and newsfeeds, and play almost any arcade, Nintendo, Super Nintendo, or Gameboy game ever created. It plays CDs, VCDs, mp3s, and can show all our images on the TV.
We can schedule any program for recording from any computer anywhere, using the web. I think that’s way cool — no more calling Robyn to set up something to record, because I can do it myself from work if I want to.
I call it Cerberus, after the three-headed watchdog who guards the entrance to Hades, because I’m a dork. I considered calling it Fluffy, as a nod to Harry Potter, but that would be gay since I’m an old person.
The best part?
I built it myself, for I am geek.
(That machine was slated to be the rest of the entries on Project: Geek, but given that it took me close to a month to get everything configured right and working together, fuck that. Only super-geeks should try something like this. Plus, it cost WAY more than a Tivo (or even three Tivos) to put together.)
Now I just need to convince my wife to let me replace the normal tuners with high-def ones. 
Two thumbs way up for Deliverance (the book) so far. Excellent stuff. The movie was pretty faithful to the book, at least to the part where I am now.
Perhaps your vasectomy appointment issues were God’s way of shaking you and saying “Fred! I have bigger plans for your balls and man juice! Leave the marbles alone!” Of course, this voice would be in a deep, thunderous voice accompanied by a burning bush or something like that. Or maybe you just need to keep a better calendar. Whatever.
Yeah, we noticed the same thing with HD, anyone who has any flaw what-so-ever it will stand out like a sore thumb. But boy does it make eveything else look real perty!
And for a chick, I even noticed the difference with the HD tuners and speakers. We only got the tuner so far, eventually we’ll be getting the speakers.
Hey Fred -
Long time no chat. I had the ‘big V’ about a year ago. Stop in to IRC sometime IF you want to hear about a potential complication. Nothing major, just damned annoying as hell at the time…
MrB
Fred:
What kind/size of Bose speakers you talking about? Can you post some pics and stats?
You gonna market Cerberus? I’m married to a big old geek who loves tivo so much we have it on all our tvs.
Dude, I just knew you were going to have a contest to win the old TV
You could always freecycle it if you don’t find a buyer.
You should totally give me that big-ass TV as a housewarming present since I’m moving 2 hours away from you. In fact, anyone within 2 hours of Nashville should give me something as a housewarming present. I like that idea!
Laurie: http://tinyurl.com/6yfx5
And you guys should know by now that my wife is the giver-awayer. I’m the capitalist pig seller.
I hopped over here from Robyn’s site to read about the big snip. Instead I hear about this Cerberus and now I am seething with envy. You would be too if you were in the middle of a cornfield in Iowa watching a 20 inch TV. Not to mention bringing in the broadcast stations with rabbit ears! Excuse me I need to go cry now.
yeah, my husband had mythtv configured all cool like in our last house, but then we moved and that particular computer died so we are now running beyondTV. Now you need a MediaMVP card so you can play what you recorded on a different tv.
Sharon, don’t be tempting me — I’m itching to build remote units based on the Mini-ITX board, just because they look so cool. Wireless boxes all around the house.
oh and can I hear a woohoo! for guessing correctly about the intent of the infrared receiver?
Man,I would LOVE a system like that! It doesn’t get any cooler!! You could make big money doing that for other people!!!!
Where can I get a geek of my own to do these things? Seriously, that sounds terrific!! Congratulations on figuring it all out—I’m impressed!
to me it just seems as though there are more girl readers than guys, or are the only ones who will say anything. Even though there were the few
I think that’s really neat with the infered remote thing. Showed me sig other your site and thinks you’re a neat guy. All geeks tend to get along :-p Good luck with the big “V” THIS friday, right? Also I noticed a BIG difference with your site and Robyn’s. Not to say that she hasn’t ever talked of farts before. But I don’t recall being so, detailed? heh ah well, still a good read 
have i ever mentioned how handsome you are?
there…that should do it…so i can expect the tv when??
lol
This is the last time we are worrying about yer balls.
That thing is SWEET.
Dude, Sweet!!!
The TV and Tivo thing, not your balls. ;^)
Oh yes, I also wanted to say the HD ROCKS! Congrats on your newest addition!
Glad to hear (not really) about your balls.
ANYWAY, Tracy and I might want to buy the TV set up. Give us a shout or send him an e-mail, k?