j050325 (imported)
March 25, 2005
I popped the DVD into the player and fired up all our new equipment, ready to enjoy my favorite part of a great movie. Having just read the book, I had a hankering to see Hollywood’s version.
I skipped through the movie, looking for what I wanted. The phone rang, and I cursed under my breath, assuming it was for me.
“I got it,” Robyn called from the other room.
Excellent. It was for her.
I continued my search until I found what I was looking for, and hit the “Play” button.
Bliss.
“DO YOU MIND?” Robyn bellowed, storming into the room. “I’M ON THE PHONE!”
Oh. I guess that volume was up a little. I turned it down a bit.
“I was doing this first, before the phone rang,” I said in a wee and quite petty voice.
“BUT I’M ON THE PHONE.”
I rolled my eyes, and she stomped back into the computer room.
“No,” I heard her say. “Fred’s watching his favorite part of Deliverance.”
There was a pause.
“No, not that part,” she said. “The part with the banjo.”
Heh.
The power of Boogers compels you!
The power of Boogers compels you!
The thing around his neck is the zapping collar o’ doom.
Warning: the following section contains a tacky, crass, and potentially offensive comment. If you read it and find yourself offended, I’ll be taking no shit for it, because I warned you.
As I walked by the bed this morning, I reached out and gave Robyn’s leg a gentle shake to wake her.
She didn’t move.
I put my socks on, leaning against the closet door for balance, then shook her leg again. She rolled over and blinked sleepily a few times.
I walked into the closet to find a pair of shorts to wear with my fluorescent green t-shirt that announced “Life’s tough. It’s tougher when you’re stupid.” I get no small pleasure out of wearing that t-shirt, especially when it’s 25 degrees out and I’m in it and a flimsy pair of cotton shorts. As far as I’m concerned, irony is one of the best sources of humor.
Today, however, is not cold, but gorgeous. Perfect weather for shorts and a t-shirt. I picked out a pair of shorts, trying to decide whether or not they’d clash with my t-shirt. I’m all about the fashion, you know, and things like whether or not my clothes match are important to me.
I looked back at Robyn, who was taking her earplugs out. I waited until she had them both cupped in one hand.
“Bessie, will olive green shorts go with a lime-green t-shirt?” I asked.
She stared contemplatively at me for a moment, pondering my question. I waited for her to answer.
She did not.
Instead, she shifted onto her back and looked at the ceiling, still deep in thought over my question, her brow furrowed.
Damn, I thought. I didn’t know it was such a tough decision.
I watched and waited. Robyn blinked. Gradually, her forehead smoothed. I realized she wasn’t going to answer.
And then the tackiest thought ever popped into my head, and I cackled like a goon.
“What?” Robyn asked, sounding annoyed because she (correctly) assumed I was laughing at her.
“You went all Terri Schiavo on me, Bessie,” I said, when I could talk.
“What do you mean?”
“I thought you were alert and responsive, but you were really just in a vegetative state.”
Thank you, I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.
My wife sent me to work today wearing a lime green t-shirt and olive pants.
I feel like I look funny, but no one’s said anything yet.
See you in hell, Fred! (I made a horrible Schiavo joke yesterday, too.)
Whoo boy. I’m gonna go get some popcorn and wait for the comments to roll in!
(It takes much more than that to offend me.. lol)
I knew when I read “tasteless” that it was going to include a Terry Schiavo reference. I tend to change the channel when anything about Peterson, Jackson, or Schiavo comes on so I didn’t know until this week that they suspected bulimia led to the initial heart attack for Terry. When I heard that I thought of a gag from a short-lived sitcom years ago. Two high-society women are chatting about whether they’d want to be kept alive on machines. One said, “Well, if I’m wasting away, I’d want you to pull the plug but not until I’m down to a size 4 and have some really cute pictures taken!”
Talk about tasteless!!! But still makes me giggle. Thanks for giving me a safe place to repeat it. It’s hard holding it in.
lulu
Now that’s tasteless in this
Oh Jeez! Im with the other poster up there, gonna pour a cup of coffee and see where this goes….. Just for future ref. I would stick with a nice cream or black shirt with the olive pants.
Robyn got her revenge by sending you out in olive green shorts and a lime t-shirt. I wonder why nobody has commented yet…….
Just kidding!
I’ve heard all kinds of vegetable jokes and believe humor is the best medicine, no offence taken here.
LMSO Fred… You must be trying for that reserve seat next to Lucifer himself! I’m joining the crowd that is growing for the entertainment value in the future comments…
Melissa, can you scooch over
Oh, and BTW… Olive green and lime green do indeed go together.. you go ahead and wear that every day and hey, why not take a picture and put it up. Show those fashion guru’s you know what you are doing! hehehehee
Love the pic on the cat, now that was hilarious and I didn’t miss the deliverance comment.. I laughed my butt off. My hubby walks around doing the dueling banjo hum all the time… eeeek.
My first thought also was that Robyn was sending you out in that outfit as revenge for the Schiavo comment. That booger is so cute and compelling!
Well it’s been hours and no one has come to bitch about Fred’s sense of humour. I figure since it’s Good Friday they must be at church.
Speaking as a RN who has looked after people in Terry’s condition I can say that I would not want to live in this condition or God forbid this happened to my child I wouldn’t fight this hard to keep him alive when there is no hope of recovery. Let the body go so the soul can rest in peace. If anyone wants to fight with me on this bring it on! Until you’ve been there first hand to change this person’s diaper every 2-4 hours and repositioned them so that they don’t get bed sores or had to feed the ones that still have some swallowing ability and hope to God they don’t aspirate it into their lungs then don’t kid yourself that these brain injured people are living any kind of decent quality of life. I wouldn’t doubt that there is a tiny part of Terry S. that has been praying for death for 15 years.
My husband repeated a Terri Schiavo joke to me last night that he had heard some deejay on the radio say. Actually, it wasn’t really a joke. The deejay was making “Terri Schiavo” sounds. The groaning, Frankenstein/mummy-type noises. Meanwhile, the mortified traffic-reporter lady told the deejay he was definitely going to hell. My first reaction on hearing about this was my stomach churned a bit, and said, “Oh, that is baaaaaaaaad.” I was thinking, it’s too soon for jokes! But no, they really are going around already. I agree with the earlier comment about humor being the best medicine–it helps deal with freaky situations/events like this.
I heart Fred.
Green and green, LMAO
We actually heard Dueling Banjos on XM this week! HAHA.
linked over from Robyn’s page it seems that your readers pay attention to your warnings. No bitching over here like over at robyn’s. By the way i got quite a laugh from that, guess i am going to hell, too.
Ok, here’s the bitcher. Your shirt was appropriate after a joke like that
That was worse than when a journaler posted that picture of the dead, bloated guy on that beach in Sri Lanka with some lame joke about it being “the worst time to try to get a suntan”. Actually, we’uns in Florida are getting tired and edgy of this whole thing - so selfishly I think “why Florida, AGAIN? Are we *always* gonna be the freak show of the nation?!” But in my heart, I have tothink Terri’s the winner here. I had a talk with my 17 yr old - please don;t let me live like this. Thanks for letting me know, he said, and please don’t let me live like that either. Amen.
I agree with the RN who posted earlier. I am currently in nursing school, and have had enough experience to know that I would never want myself or a loved one to live like Terry. Some have argued that maybe Terry does know what is going on around her, but that would be an even worse kind of Hell than being a vegetable.
Terry’s situation is so sad, and I get angry that the political forces are missing the human factor here. They think they are speaking for God, but did God intend for His children to live in a vegetative state on feeding tubes?!? I don’t think He does! Perhaps God in His infinite mercy is allowing all of their appeals to go unanswered for Terry’s sake.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this and I’m so damn angry at Terry’s husband for not taking this stand 15 years ago. Like they shouldn’t have even put the tube in to begin with. At this point it doesn’t look so much like he is fighting for her right to die with dignity as it is he is tired of the whole thing and wants her dead so he can marry his girlfriend and get the insurance and settlement money from Terry’s estate. I still don’t think that this is anyway for a person to live for 15 years but at this point does he still have the right to decide whether she lives or dies?
Um, in answer to Jen’s comment, he HAS been fighting this battle for years. You might want to read more about the history of this before you judge Mike. I live in the same city and this has been going on for a VERY long time before it became this big national story.
The tube was put in early when they were still trying to figure out her status. When he realized there was no hope, he wanted to comply with her wishes, THAT’S when her parents stepped in… it was after a large malpractice settlement was awarded to Mike S. Basically the whole fight began over $$. The parents started claiming he was trying to “kill” Terri so he could keep the $$. Funny though how Mike said he’d donate it to charity if they would just let him fulfill her wishes. And of course, the $$ is GONE now, for her care… all these years, but he’s still fighting because not to live this was what Terri said she WANTED.
The poor man has been vilified by the Schindlers, and many of the “good people” protesting and crying for the importance of “life” are making death threats to him, the woman who lives with him, and their children. Ah… nothing like the smell of hypocrisy in the morning. So basically, this man’s life has been a hell for the last 15 years, but he still is trying to do what Teri WANTED.
Of course, the big lesson here people, is make sure you make your wishes known to ALL of your family members AND have it on PAPER. My DH and I have downloaded living wills and are having them signed and witnessed!
AND be careful about your Dr. they can “choose” to ignore a living will if they want… and my parents saw THEIR Dr. on TV holding a V. Mary statue and protesting at Terri’s Hospice. They are going to change Drs.
Er… sorry for the rant there Fred… just, living in the Tampa Bay area, MAN I am so weary of all this! Especially all the people making comments when they don’t really know the whole history… oh, like a lot of politicians around here and in DC.
Sigh.
Anywho… I really loved the Booger pics! With all this going on here, it’s nice to have a chuckle!
Kitty, just in case you check back on this, I’m sorry that I did not have the whole story, I’ve been basically going on what is in the media and thinking that they are reporting the whole story (silly me). I had not heard that he’s been fighting for this for years. I can’t imagine the frustration he’s had fighting with his parents. It’s a wonder that he hasn’t given up on the whole thing.
Jen, when will you learn… don’t trust the media! LOL!!
S’okay, if I’m an honest girl, I’ll admit there are many times when I’ve formed an opinion only to find out later I had done so on incomplete info. (who me? do that? NEVER! LOL!) I just honestly feel bad for Mike S. This has been an UNENDING struggle. And while I feel for Terri’s parents, I agree with a reader who posted on Robyn’s comments… they want to keep her body alive for THEM, not for what Terri wanted/believed. My heart aches for them, but ultimately, I think they are wrong, and what’d MAJORLY wrong is govt. and a lot of the protestors doing all these things and making decisions off incomplete info and for their own political or religious agendas.
A columnist here in the St. Pete Times wrote how a lot of the people who are frothing for the Govt. to step in even more than they have, would sure change their tune if it was Hilary Clinton making policies about their personal lives. And that’s the point… we have to limit Govts. ability to make those kinds of decisions for us… best way to start is to make our wishes clearly known.
Yikes! ANOTHER rant. OK, I am SO shutting up now! LOL! Anyway Jen, just wanted to thank you for writing back. I appreciate anyone who is willing to listen and keep an open mind… lord knows I’m doing my best to. I know it’s tougher to do than say.
Anyway, I plead insanity on all this, I am compeled by the mind control of the Boogers!
Kitty