Adventures in freakdom.
“Some people say Paxil makes them feel…flat,” Dr. Judy told me last week when I went to see her. At the time, I wasn’t sure what she meant by flat. Now I know.
Paxil has turned me stupid. I know it’s the Paxil, because I stopped taking the Xanax a couple of days ago, believing it to be the culprit.
Each morning when I brush my teeth at approximately 6:21, I pop the little white pill. By 7:00, my IQ has dropped to roughly half its normal level. I stumble around in a fog of idiocy, struggling to find the right words in conversation, frustrated because it seems like I can’t perform the simplest tasks. This morning, for example, when I decided to get fast food for breakfast.
I stopped at Chik-fil-A because a biscuit sounded appealing. Except when I got up to the place where you order at the drive through, I couldn’t make sense of the menu. Everything seemed to be combos, weird things like mini-biscuits and whatnot. So I drove off, frustrated — but not angry, because the pill does seem to have nipped that.
There’s a Burger King near my office and I pulled in there, intent on getting a biscuit. I drove up to the menu board, but I couldn’t find breakfast stuff on the menu so I went inside. The menu there had the items listed, nice and big, and I decided I wanted a “biscuit sandwich”. The picture showed a biscuit with sausage, egg, and cheese, and text below it told me I could have my choice of sausage, ham, or bacon.
“I’d like a sausage biscuit sandwich,” I said slowly, for that is how I seem to do everything now.
“One sausage biscuit, anything else?” the girl asked.
But that wasn’t right. I wanted the sandwich, the one with the other stuff.
“Not a sausage biscuit,” I said. “The one with…”
I faded out, unable to think of the word “egg”. I looked stupidly at the girl, at the sign, back at the girl.
“…egg and cheese?” she asked.
“Yes, that. The sandwich.”
While I waited for my order I realized that all the biscuits there are called “biscuit sandwiches,” so I can understand why she misunderstood me. That makes it no less frustrating.
Earlier this week, I had to go to a restaurant to pick up a gift certificate that’s to be a Christmas present. As I stood at the counter waiting for the hostess to write out the certificate, some old woman sitting nearby slid her arm around my waist and launched into a long story about crab bisque, and cooking it for German people. When she reached the end of the tale, she cackled at her own wit.
I laughed with her, but inside I was in a panic because I’d been unable to follow what she was telling me. I have no idea what the story was about, save the crab bisque and German people, or why it was funny.
As the day progresses, I get a little of my smarts back, but never back up to 100%.
And dear God, the way this thing makes me feel. I don’t know if I can describe it properly, but I’ll try. I feel disconnected from myself, a stranger looking in from the outside. My head feels like it’s padded with about a foot of cotton, and in moments of quiet solitude there’s a distinct sensation of something crawling around on my scalp. I am reminded of some of the diet pills I tried 20 years ago. It’s like being on uppers and downers at the same time.
I yawn constantly, but I can’t get to sleep if I try a nap. Laying down for a while in the afternoon does help the stupid, though. It clears up the cobwebs, I guess. I make a lot more typing mistakes, and have a hard time composing sentences. I had to rewrite the beginning of this entry because I had such a hard time with the word “chemicals.” I had to postpone completing it for several hours until I could get my thoughts together in a semi-cohesive stream.
Except for the first couple of hours after I take the pill, I don’t have much trouble with my concentration. I can focus on things and get things accomplished, but if it’s quiet I also very easily unfocus, sitting and staring at nothing with my mouth hanging open. Like a zombie. Like Jack Nicholson at the end of Cuckoo’s Nest.
I feel like I spend a lot of time doing that, just sitting there staring at the wall, mouth agape. I’m surprised I don’t drool on myself. Nothing’s really going through my head at those times, and I suspect a radio dial tuned to station KFRD would yield the hiss of white noise. It’s off-putting, because I’m used to my brain being ramped up and running at gangbusters, and now it’s been muffled.
Though it comes in handy when I’m waiting for something, like a red light or in a line, because I don’t get annoyed while I’m sitting there catching flies.
Robyn tells me she there’s nothing noticeably different in me, except that I’m more level, less prone to get easily annoyed. Co-workers tell me there’s been no change in the way I act, that I’m just as funny and smart-assy as I’ve always been. Hell, they’re all starting to make me think it’s all in my head.
Which, given the nature of the problem, I guess it is. The times I feel the most effect from the drug are when I’m alone in my head.
People tell me that these things go away once the drug gets up to “therapeutic levels” in my system. I hope so. I put a call in to Dr. Judy’s office this morning to talk to them about it. Maybe there’s something better; maybe taking it at night would help with some of the effects (I can only imagine what sort of dreams it would give me). There’s only one thing I know for sure.
I don’t like the way this drug makes me feel at all.
If you want to get notified whenever Fred writes a journal entry, this link will do the trick.
| S | M | T | W | T | F | S |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| « Nov | Jan » | |||||
| 1 | 2 | 3 | ||||
| 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 |
| 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 |
| 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 |
| 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
I took Paxil for about two months last year. I deal blackjack for a living and I can totally relate to your feelings Fred. I was dealing at a table and for the life of me, I totally felt like I was standing above my head looking down, couldn’t remember which direction to deal cards, who to pay, etc. I actually had a conversation with myself that even though I have a 26 and my cards equal more, I lost. I had to really think about that one… It was weird. The word “disconnected” is the best word that I can use to describe that feeling. Like I was there, but I wasn’t. I had to get off of them, it was making me think I was loosing my mind. Hmmmm… is there one to loose? LOL
I feel for ya! Your entry reminded me to refill my Cymbalta (sp? mild antidepressant). Thanks! I did not like Paxil either. You might ask her about Cymbalta. For me, it’s been very mild. Just enough to ‘take the edge off.’ Before it, I got really upset over pretty insignificant shit. Road rage was par for the course (EVERY other driver was just STUPID and needed to get the HELL OUT OF MY WAY!!!), and I was very short tempered w/my kids and that was not acceptable to me. Anyway, I know they all effect people differently, but it sounds like Paxil may be too strong for you.
Hmmm my Paxil was PINK. Perhaps that’s the difference, pink is a happier colour. You might want to try taking it at night instead? Or taking half?
Donna - mine’s generic, because my middle name is “cheap.” I’m planning to ask Dr. J about halving the dose, for sure. I think maybe I was only a little crazy to start.
Hi Fred,
When i went in and spoke with my doctor initially, she told me if i had any problems with lead brain during the day to think about taking them when i went to bed. It may be an option for you too. I will say that it does even out after a little while, it took me about a month or maybe 6 weeks though.
Hang in there!
I took Paxil for many years (8-9). I really liked it and it did the job well. it does take some getting used to - like 2-3 weeks. I never had one problem after that!
I currently started taking Effexor. So far so good, but it makes me happy to do all the crap jobs I have at work; instead of hating them with a passion like I usually do. But I do feel happier with life, right now; but I’m still early in my treatment.
If you’re not happy with your medication, by all means speak up!
Fred,
I took Paxil for a while and never felt quite right on it. Taking it a night did help some. I switched to Celexa and haven’t had any problems at all. You should stick with it and give your body time to adjust to it. If after a few months, you still don’t “feel” right, have the Dr. change to something else.
She’s right…perhaps it is too strong or the wrong med for you. It should take two to four weeks to reach it’s level. Fred, there are so many fantastic drugs out today that I’m sure Dr. Judy will find the right one for you. For me, Paxil smooths out the rough edges and makes me level (as Robyn stated).
I have never been an “angry” person. I was terribly depressed and wanted to hide in the closet (no, not THAT closet…) and hoped no one would ever, ever find me. Hmm, I thought perhaps I should talk to my doctor!
Fred,Effexor xr @ 600 mgs is my drug of choice and I am doing great on it though you will notice I take about THREE times the normal dose of most people. NO side effects with Effexor though,even at this mega-dose.
Good luck in your search of what works for you. I had to go through three drugs before I found what works best with me.
I had the same experience as Wintor. I took it at night, so I didn’t have that fuzzy disconnected feeling. Unfortunatley, I did have a terrible side effect of higher blood pressure and actually feeling my blood move through my veins. So, no more Paxil for me.
First of all Fred, let me just say that you inspired me to face up to my own anxiety issues and seek help. I’ve been dealing with anxiety for 10 years now. For the last few years, it hadn’t really been giving me any problems, even without meds, so I wasn’t concerned. A few months ago, it came back, with a vengeance. I was having full blown panic attacks over the most silly things.
I made an appointment with my family doctor and went in to see her yesterday. She put me on Lexapro. She said it is the easiest to dose. She gave me a month worth of free samples and then she wants to see me again and see how I’m doing. She told me there are about 10 different medications we can try. I’ve only been on lexapro for 1 day so far, so it’s to soon to know how it’s working.
If paxil doesn’t work for you, there are other options. What you’re describing does not sound fun at all. I would definitly see about checking your dosage or trying something new.
I also wanted to mention. I took my first lexapro last night right before bed and I couldn’t sleep at all. I’m not sure about paxil, but be careful if you decide to take it at night, could keep you up.
Good luck!
When I took Celexa (and then switched to Lexapro) I found it best to take it about four hours or so before bedtime. The consistant dead-head thing, when I experienced it, seemed to happen when it was time to change (or reduce) the medication. I know it’s frustrating, but it is going to be a bit of trial and error to start. Just stick with it, it does get better.
I seem to find that most anti-depressants are taken at bed-time. I am a RN and most of them are prescribed by the docs to be taken at night because of the drowsiness.
Oh, my! I can’t believe anyone is suggesting Effexor for you. I was prescribed Effexor XR for anxiety and I still call that time period “the lost months”. Yeah, I was really a happy at first. Everything made me giddy. Working, irate customers, doing housework, it was fantastic! But then I started to feel disconnected, too. I felt like I was going insane. I couldn’t really describe it. My brain hurt. And lordy, getting off of it was an experience I would never like to repeat. I have never tried another ‘drug’ for my depression or anxiety. I decided to see a therapist and talk about how I felt. You know what? It worked! Good luck, Fred! I hope everything works out.
When my grandmother went on Celexa (I think that’s what its called) it made her so dopey during the day, she started taking it at night. Now she sleeps through the night every night to avoid the lead-brain. Same with a friend of mine who had to go on Effexor - she started taking it at night cause really, they interfered with her thesis-writing during the day.
You might want to try taking it at night and sleeping the worst of it off, since you say a nap in the afternoon helps.
taking drugs like that at night may help with some of the annoyances
I take Celexa and i personally like it…no problems with side-effects….and what i do is i take it at night…so if i have any side-effects they happen when i am sleeping…lol….food for thought…
It really takes trying different medications until you find the right one…a lot of folks love xanxa but i hated it and stopped taking after a week.
I want to second the opinions of those who suggest taking your med at night. It’s something that several docs have recommended to me and the husband as we have played around with our neurotransmitters.
Also – if you’re not happy with how you feel on your meds go back to the Dr and discuss exactly how you are feeling. My doc pointed out that the only way right now they can tell which neurotransmitter (serotonin, norepinephrine, dopamine, etc.) needs boosting is by symptoms. The only way they can figure that out is to ask you questions about your mood, how you feel, etc. She also pointed out that the first drug you try may not work and that there are lots out of there.
If you go back to Dr. Judy and decide to try a different med it is worthwhile to wean off in between new meds by a few weeks. Our family dr and the pharmacist both told me that it doesn’t take that long for the med to be out of a person’s system so as a result my husband weaned off one med and started another one a few days after, took it for a few weeks then weaned off that one and tried another one. It was truly awful. His moods were foul, it was hell around our house for about 4 months. After he weaned off the last med I made him wait 4 weeks before starting on the med he is on now. I’m convinced that there were a few types of meds still in his system even though the dr and pharmacist said that they shouldn’t be affecting him anymore. Sorry to give you a long story but I wanted to give you the benefit of my experience because I know that often people have to try a few different meds before they find one that fits.
TAKE IT AT NIGHT! Seriously. I’ve been on Lexapro since January and for 11 months I felt the same way. I would take mine at work at 9am every morning and for the rest of the day I would be miserable. I would even sometimes have to nap on my lunch break at home because I was so exhausted and “flat” feeling. I just figured it was the side effects of being on them. Finally last week I went to the doctor and he begged me to try them at night. I did and have NEVER felt better. Complete 180. So, try that and hang on..it gets better.
Try Zoloft. My sister tried Paxil and it made her stay awake all night and she had the itching also. Her doctor put her on Zoloft and she takes it before bed. That helped her.
Good Luck
I also have just changed to Paxil. I have found that it is nearly impossible to orgasm. The side effects have been depleting though so you can look forward to that. Other than that I find that I wake up with a dull numb all over my body which makes me just want to stay in bed.
I tried Zoloft for a while and it was good, but I was on Immiprimine for years and they had almost no side effects for me aside from dry mouth. So there are some other considerations for you.
Hi!
I took Paxil and I was misserable. I scratched my self all over and found out I had been having a toxic reaction. What ever that meant. Then i started Zoloft. It really works for me. I take it at night and have heard from many people that it works best for them to take at night. All meds take time to work and smooth out the rough edges of the side effects. But talk to your doctor regularly, and voice all concerns. We have to advocate and research for ourselves. To trust a doctor isn’t the best path. they know alot, but not everything. it is our bodies and our lives that we have to deal with daily so be proactive in your mental health.
good luck and if you really need meds take all advice to heart and experiment do what is best for you
k