vituperation

After a month of working at it for what feels like every waking moment, I have concluded that the most difficult decision in the world for a city boy like myself is this: what kind of tractor should I get to manage our little plot of land in Smallville? Where to go to college? A snap. Which house to buy? Piece of cake. Who to marry? No problem. A tractor?

Stop everything.

Tractors, for being such simple things in concept, are phenomenally complex. You’ve got your 2-wheel drives, which might get stuck in the mud, and you’ve got your 4-wheel drives, which cost more. Some have hydraulics, some don’t. If you want a front end loader, as I do, you need hydraulics. They all have something called a PTO, which stands for “power take off”. That’s the little thingy in the back that spins around and drives implements like cutters, mowers, tillers, augers, and so on. Some tractors have one PTO, some have two, and some even have three. Or all three are part of the one, but in different places.

See what I mean?

But I’m just getting started. You’ve got your engine horsepower, but then you’ve got a horsepower measurement for PTO, which is the more important one. Some tractors have a hydrostatic transmission, which can be likened to an automatic transmission in your car, while others have the rough equivalent of a stick, with a clutch. Then you’ve got your high gear and your low gear. Wet disc brakes, dry disc brakes, gas engines, diesel engines, ag tires, turf tires, industrial tires, the lists are endless. Do I want a lawn tractor, or a garden tractor, or a subcompact, or a compact for Smallville?

That was rhetorical. I know exactly what I want: 25-30 hp, a front-end loader, a 60″ rotary cutter (aka “bush hog”), and a 50″ tiller. Money permitting, I’d like a box blade and an auger.

Oh, but what kind of tractor do I want? Specs are one thing. Brands are another.

John Deere. Well known, famous, nothing rides (drives?) like a Deere, and all that. They don’t tell you in the ads that you pay for that name, to the tune of about $1500 more than other major brands. What they ALSO don’t tell you is that the smaller Deeres (ie, subcompacts / compacts) aren’t actually made by John Deere, but outside the country and then given the Deere name. Everything I’ve read indicates they’re not so great, but MY MILEAGE MIGHT VARY.

Attention John Deere fans: I’m only parroting what I’ve read. Close your mail client.

Of course, Deere is just the beginning. I’ve looked at: Kubota. Massey Ferguson. Agco. New Holland. Kioti. Mahindra. CASE. On and on and on. And on. Each has its positives and negatives. It’s enough to drive a sane man crazy. And what makes the sane man even crazier is how much tractors cost. For example, the range of prices for what I spec’d out above? Sitting down?

Fourteen to nineteen thousand dollars.

Yes, indeed, holy fucking shit. I heard you all the way over here. That’s more than a car, for something I’m not going to be using nearly as much after the initial 6-month (or so) burst to get the property into the shape we want. Oh, and that price doesn’t include the box blade or auger, just the tractor, loader, bush hog, and tiller.

FOURTEEN THOUSANDS FUCKING DOLLARS FOR THE CHEAPEST ONE (AgCo ST-24a).

And while fourteen thousand (or more) dollars might not seem like a lot, when you’re looking at adding that on to two house payments and three (I know something you don’t! Nyah!) car payments, it suddenly becomes very important. Especially if you’re an obsessive money-worrier, like I am.

This past Saturday, on the way to the (sucky) Morgan County Fair in Decatur, we passed the CASE dealership just outside town. I didn’t realize up to that point that CASE even made tractors. I always thought of them as construction equipment guys. We stopped, and I had a nice chat with the CASE sales guy, wherein I discovered that CASE tractors were at the top end of that dollar range.

“That’s more than I want to pay,” I said.

He thought for a bit. “I think I have something you might be interested in. We’ve got a used Massey Ferguson 240 out front. It’s only got 625 hours on it—”

Another interesting tidbit you might not have known about tractors: they have little hour meters on them, to keep up with how long they’ve been in use. I suspect that’s used when figuring out when you want to do some maintenance or engine rebuilding or something, but I haven’t read that much on it. I know that lower is better.

“—so it’s still like new. Cosmetically, the owner let it sit out in the rain so there’s a little rust, but the engine is sound. We’re asking $7500 for it.”

“That sounds like a good price,” I said, and turned to look out the front window for it.

“Come on, let’s go try her out.” He pushed away from his desk.

“Try her out?” Here it was, the moment of truth. The moment I knew had to come, but I figured would be more at the time of purchase. “I, um, I’ve never driven a tractor. We’re moving out of the city. Heck, I’ve never even been on a riding lawn mower.”

To his credit, he didn’t look at me like I was retarded.

“It’s time you learned,” he said. “Come on.”

We went out to the tractor, which I must admit, certainly appealed to the Tim Allen side of me. It was BIG, much larger than the subcompacts I’d been looking at. And at 42 hp, it could do anything I’d ever want without even breaking a sweat.

I had a hella time not grunting in awe when I climbed up on it.

Driving a standard transmission tractor is on par with driving a stick in a car. After about 30 seconds of instruction, I was off and running on the Massey Ferguson:

The tractor guy and I try to figure out why there’s no get up and go.
Turns out the emergency brake was on.

Two minutes later, I’m ready to engage Ren McCormack in a game of chicken.

Suffice it to say I really liked the (power) Massey (power) Ferguson, despite my earlier reservations about getting a used tractor. The tractor guy and I talked money, and the price for the MF240 with the attachments I wanted was $14,650.

Not too shabby.

We went on to the County Fair, and there I saw something I hadn’t expected, but in retrospect it makes perfect sense, given all the competitions for livestock, and whatnot. There was a tractor dealer set up in the expo building. Yanmar tractors. I’d heard all about them.

“Look,” I said to Robyn, pointing. “Those tractors are from Japan in the 70’s and 80’s. They get sent to Viet Nam and rebuilt crappily, then sent over here and sold to hapless Americans who don’t know any better and get sucked in by the cheap prices.”

And what do I mean by cheap? Consider this: the Yanmar guys had a “fair special” going on, which was a 24 hp Yanmar with a frontend loader, on a big ass trailer that was like 6×12′, all for about $6700. That’s an AWESOME price for a tractor and loader alone, much less the trailer.

We stopped at their booth and I talked to the two guys sitting behind the table of brochures. I could get a reconditioned Yanmar 2210D, which is 26 hp, a frontend loader, the 60″ rotary cutter, and a 50″ tiller, for only $9400.

Nine thousand, four hundred dollars. Five thousand dollars less than the cheapest I’d found. Too bad those Viet Nam recons are such pieces of shit, I thought as we left the expo building.

I spent all day yesterday (or the time I wasn’t being Mr. Fixit) online, soliciting opinions about the MF tractor and whether I was getting a good deal or not. Opinions, being like assholes, were varied, but the general consensus was that it wasn’t a bad price. Lots of people thought it was too much tractor, but there’s no such thing.

Then, on a whim, I decided to Google around for Yanmar information, and specifically the place I’d seen at the fair. What I found was eye-opening. First of all, these guys don’t get Viet Nam reconditioned tractors. They get the tractors directly from Japan and recondition them right here in Alabama. More amazing, they offer a warranty on their tractors, which is almost unheard of in the Yanmar market. Finally, I looked them up on the most popular tractor forum in the country and found that they have nothing but praise from their customers.

I began to wonder if maybe I should consider swallowing my attitude and looking at a Yanmar. This morning, the dealer with the MF240 called me to let me know he’d given me the wrong price on Saturday, and the actual out-the-door price for the 240 was going to be $15,994 instead of the $14,650 he quoted me on Saturday.

That pretty much cinched things for me. Conceivably, I can get a 26 hp Yanmar with all the attachments I want, from a reputable dealer with a great reputation, for WAY less money than anything else I’ve looked at. Hell, with the price coming down so much I can afford to go ahead and get that box blade and auger and STILL have it cost a few thousand less than any of the others.

I think I’ll go drive one this afternoon and see if I like it.

Nothing in this entry should be construed as a solicitation for advice. Also, I know exactly what I want each attachment for, so please don’t tell me what I do or don’t need. Me and my tractor have extensive plans. Thankyouverymuch.

Also, this entry is all “I this” and “I that” because Robyn’s delegated 100% of the tractor dealings to me, as she’s completely uninterested in what we buy. I just didn’t want to sound too Fred-centric about it.