Wheeling, dealing, and reeling
I climbed out of the car and looked around. Ahead of me, skeletal remains of tractors sat rusting in the autumn sun, regarding me with empty lamp-eye sockets. Broken grills like jagged teeth gleamed in the light, their glory days long past. To my right, heaps of shiny new farm implements beckoned, all pointy and sharp and ready to tear.
And then I saw what I came for, off in the distance on the hillside: row after row of reconditioned tractors, so bright they looked like they just rolled off the assembly line. Brilliantly red, they stood like soldiers waiting to do battle against acres of untamed land.
“You coming in?” I said to Robyn, excited at the thought of climbing up on one of those bad boys.
“Um, no.” She pulled a book out of her purse and opened it.
“You sure?”
“Quite.”
I shut the door and walked into the dealer’s building. Inside, people scurried to and fro, busy as ants. I stood just inside the door for a moment, trying to decide where I should go for help. I knew who I wanted to see — the general manager I’d spoken with on the phone earlier — but I didn’t know where I might find him.
“Fred?” a voice asked from my left.
It was one of the guys I’d met at the fair Saturday. A guy who either remembered me or who had been told by the manager I might be coming by. A guy whose name I’d remember if I’d actually been paying attention at the fair, but let’s be honest here. Who pays attention to salesmen?
“You must be here to see John,” he said, shaking my hand.
I agreed that I was.
“He’s on the phone right now,” he said. He was looking into an office across the room, where I could see someone sitting at a desk, turned from us. He was, in fact, on the phone. “If you want to have a seat, he’ll be off soon.”
“Can I go outside and look around?”
“Sure, go right ahead.”
I was wandering around the lot full of dead tractors when the owner came out and introduced himself. I told him about the Yanmar model I was interested in, the one I got a semi-quote about at the fair.
“No problem, we have about 8 of those right now. Let’s go look.”
He directed me to a golf cart, and after a brief trip through the shop, where guys were doing all sorts of guy things with tools, paint, and welding stuff, we launched on a terrifying ride up the hill on a sidewalk that was a foot narrower than the golf cart. The tires hung over the six-inch drop on each side, and from time to time we’d dip off and nearly turn over. I was pretty glad when we got to the top, where the reconditioned tractors were. We walked down an aisle of tractors to the Yanmar 2210D models.
He wanted me to hop right on up and drive one, but I asked him to back it out and get it to a flat place first, explaining (for what felt like the hundredth time over the last month) that I wasn’t the most experienced tractor guy around. He understood, and told me how much we were going to love living out of the city. I hope he’s right.
A couple of minutes later I was on the 2210D, running it around the flat yard at the top of the hill. It was easily as fun as the MF240, although not as fast when I had it in the highest gear. Yanmars are more complicated, gear-wise, with a 4-setting doohickey on one side (opposed to the high-low setting on the MF240) along with another 4-setting doohickey (3 plus reverse) on the other. There’s something special about the gearing, the technical name of which I don’t recall, that allows gear changes on one of the sides to be done without having to use the clutch. That comes in handy when you’re using a loader and doing a lot of back-and-forth work, but like I said, I don’t remember what it’s called.
I finished playing on the tractor and parked it by the golf cart. I talked numbers with John, and really liked the price on the 26-horsepower 2210D. The price was so low that I…
“Do you have anything with more power?” I asked.
“Sure do.”
He launched into a litany of numbers as we walked further down the aisle. The one I liked was just a couple of steps up from the 2210D, a 28-horsepower model FX24D. A newer model than the 2210D, with more power. Heavier, with more gears for better power control. And speaking of power, it even had power steering. It also looked nicer, aesthetically. Who wants to drive an ugly tractor? There’s also a joystick to control the tilt on the hitch in the back, so you can angle blades and things for better control.
Tidbit: that’s there because there’s a lot of rice paddy farming in Japan, and the farmers have to have their implements perfectly level in order to work in the water. The more you know.
Coolest of all, the FX24D he had there already had a front end loader on it, able to raise 800 pounds 8.5 feet into the air. Now that’s power.
“Can I drive it?” I was barely able to contain my testosterone.
He backed it out for me, using the 4WD in low gear to get up the muddy hillside, then got out of the way to let me at it. I played for a while on the FX24D, and absolutely loved it. Thirty minutes later I was the proud owner of:
- A reconditioned Yanmar FX24D
- A frontend loader, for lifting and moving heavy shit
- A 72″ finishing mower (the current owner emailed me right before we left yesterday and told me the property was being bush hogged then, so since the grass is under control a mower is bigger and faster)
- A 60″ tiller, for tearing up ground and making gardens
- A 60″ box blade, the most versatile implement there apparently is, for scraping, cutting, and digging into ground
- An auger, with a 9″ post hole digger, for all the fencework I’m planning to do. I suspect it’ll come in handy for planting shrubbery, too. And that mailbox post.
All that stuff, with more implements than I’d originally planned, and more power and weight in the tractor, for over $1000 less than the cheapest, least-powerful tractor I’d looked at before. I’m pumped.
It’ll be delivered Friday afternoon.
It was hard not to scream-grunt like Tim Allen when I saw it.
It’s like a big bubba tractor, but smaller.
It even looks nice from behind, like me.
My beautiful baby, and my wife.
These are 5-foot box blades.
The 6-foot mower, slightly faded, which gave a better price.
The 5-foot tiller, still in wrapping.
Now I’m really ready for Ren.
Sitting in the tractor guy’s office, I realized I needed a pen to write the check and asked him for one. He handed me a cheap ballpoint, white with a maroon tip and clicky thing. It looked awfully familiar so I checked the side. Sure enough, it had a church logo I recognized.
“You must’ve gotten this at the fair,” I said with a grin. “My wife took one just like it when she was there.”
“Those are our pens,” he said. “We took them to the fair.”
Welcome to my life.
See what I have to deal with every morning?
Eek! The testosterone is leaking through the monitor on this entry! I can hear Tim the Tool Man grunting in my head! Congrats on the new baby!
You crack me up!!! I see by Robyn’s face that she was nearly as equally as thrilled by the whole experience as you.
Yes, Fred, we’ve all seen your cute behind in the doctor’s surgery! Heh. Congratulations on your new ride. It’ll be so much fun to see what all you’re going to do with your new toy!
Oh that roll bar is H-O-T!
You’ve got a nice one!
And you know it’s not going to end there, don’t you? Next you’ll be looking at backhoes, then dump-trucks (because how can you haul dirt in a car?) and just for the hell of it, you’ll be wanting to build a barn because where are you going to put all of the new items?!!….just kidding ya!
But just so you know, that’s what happened to my in-laws. And now they have a farm!!
Love that tractor! My husband has promised to buy me a tractor just like that if we ever move to the country. Probably because I complained about all the work I did by hand as a kid when I had horses
Looking forward to hearing about your tractor adventures! I’m living vicariously through you and Robyn, since I’m still stuck in the city…
Michelle - I hear you. Believe you me, I *want* a backhoe, but I can’t justify it. Unless I were going to try to dig a pond with it, but I’m thinking it would be more cost effective to hire someone with a bulldozer for that. Hopefully, everything’s going to fit in the shed.
I’ve got plans to build a pole barn if we get goats, though.
Damn Fred! I almost had an orgasm reading all this; the testosterone is strong in this one.
Happy tractoring!!!
Ah’hh Fred!! Your’rrrrr!!! too SEXY for your tractor. We love you NOW.
Are you sure you aren’t Ren in this situation? Maybe you will need to teach the locals to dance! Play them your showtunes Fred!
Please, please tell me you had posted the site:
http://img83.imageshack.us/img83/8254/iminyurrrm9.gif ? Do you have that in another format as they took it down? I was really hoping to be able to watch that like once a day for the rest of my life.
Oh, glory be, I found it:
http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c28/chantalemo/2af480fe50128bd2ec33bde5de69cacd.gif
I’ve save one for posterity here. Please don’t anyone direct link that, because it’s over a meg a view.
“And that mailbox post” This cracked me up! Justify! Justify! Justify! You do men proud!
I will NOT show ths post to my husband! Lord know what he will dream up 
Hee! Farmer Fred! Have fun with that tractor!
Every time someone mentions a post hole digger, I think about my friend’s nutty uncle who had one for sale in his yard sale a few years ago. He put a tag on it that something like “Ph.D.- only $4.00!” and then yukked about how that was the cheapest Ph.D. you’ll ever find. So now you can pass along this corny joke too.
Awww,I actually got teary eyed reading about your new baby! Congrats and pass out the cigars.
Am very jealous, indeed. One day we’ll have our own tractor - would make more sense when we don’t live in the middle of town though. Your bright red tractor looks marvelous, you must be very proud!
Look what you have to look forward to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AzUcxnn9bs
Because I know, from previous posts, that you have a kayak as well…
Honest to God, I dont think I have been more jelous in my life, well other than the time Robert Bordach got to sleep with Missy Miller on the night of the home coming football game…but this is a close second!
You’re always close enough to drive down and play on it, Dave.
I’m excited, because here in the first couple of weeks I get to use everything but the tiller.
1. Post hole digger for the mailbox (unless I find that there’s too much stuff buried there to dig)
2. Mower to cut
3. Box blade to scrape a 15-foot firebreak around the HUGE burn pile that’s waiting to be lit.
4. Loader to get all that scraped grass and dump it on the burn pile.
Now I just need to get up the nerve to set the fire (yes, I’ll call the fire dept first).
T0rie, I think it’d be more fun to be pulled by a car — it’d be like whitewater then.
There’s that “Thou Shalt Not Covet” commandment, but screw it, I want that tractor! Sweet ride!
BTW, I checked out your ‘Fred’s Desires’ link to Amazon - that array of interests is one for the ages…raising chickens, cryptography, brothels, murder, mystery. Almost sounds like a story in itself.
Fred,
I’m a Loan Officer and one of the things I tell my clients is not to take out any new credit until after the closing. I’m sure you don’t have a problem, but people can throw off their debt to income ratios after the loan has already been approved. If you have a No Doc loan, or if they won’t pull your credit the day befor closing, or if you make enough money that you don’t have to worry about it, then it’ll be fine. This is just an unsolicited, non-actionable comment!
LOL @ Fred……
I think my wife would require surgery to remove the eyes that she rolled into the back of her head if I said hey honey headed off to Alabama to play on Fred’s tractor…….LOL
Hmmmm, maybe if Itell her about the tractor AND the fact that your going to start a fire and burn shit……hmmmmmmmm