vituperation

You may recall in my previous entry I mentioned some oddities about the Smallville house—noises, knocks, lights coming on, and whatnot. I talked with Robyn about it, and we discovered that we’ve both seen people coming at us while out in the yard. Robyn tells me she sees someone running full speed at her out of the corner of her eye, and it startles/scares her. I see people walking by me, and it surprises me.

But there’s never anyone there when we look. (See: shadow people)

A couple of days after that entry, I was out working in the house alone one night (Robyn’s mom is visiting, and she’s taking a vacation from working on the house, the butthead) and on two occasions while I was painting in the spud’s room, I heard tools in my toolbox shifting and clanking around, like they do when I’m rooting around for something.

No, I didn’t go check. I ignored it.

Then yesterday, when Robyn, her mom, and I were all talking about the weirdness, Robyn’s mom said she’d seen someone walk by a window when she was out there, but no one was there when she walked over and looked out.

So last night I decided to settle it once and for all. I took a cassette recorder out with me, and just before I left I set it up in the spud’s closet. Feeling like the world’s biggest dork, I asked several questions aloud, with pauses in case I might get an EVP answer. I left the cassette recording and came home.

Speaking of buttheads, you know what Marty McFly has been up to recently, but what about Biff? What’s he been doing?

You remember Biff, right?

That’s him on the left.

Turns out Biff’s been doing standup, and writing a DAMN funny song (currently my favorite song, I think) :

I can barely move right now. Literally.

I spent the day at the Smallville house, alone, working both outside and in. Mostly outside, trying to turn the big maple tree that fell down last week into firewood. The night we dealt with it, all I did was pull the pieces out into the back forty near the brush pile and leave them.

I worked on that damn tree until I nearly collapsed, and still haven’t finished. First, I used the chainsaw to cut up the really big pieces of trunk. I made a splitting stump out of one of the pieces, and went to work on the others with an eight pound maul.

Nothing makes you feel your age like splitting logs by hand, I found, and I realize now that they call it a maul because of what it does to you, not the wood. When I sat down tonight after I got home, my entire body got stiff and I can hardly move now.

I’m a little worried about how I’m going to feel tomorrow, given the way I hurt.

A country setting if ever I’ve seen one.

A split in progress. Note Bertha in the background, helpful as always.

One of three loads of wood I cut / chopped today.

The woodpile is growing like hell under my care.
The dark at the bottom of the pile is the original pile. I did the rest.

Edit to add (Monday morning): I finished the tree yesterday (Sunday).
This is what the woodpile looks like now.

Like I mentioned, though, I worked inside today, too. You may remember the following room from the Smallville house walkthrough entry a few weeks ago:

Orange sponge paint and a mural

Mmmm, lead paint for everyone!

A couple of weeks ago, I started working on converting this room and the spud’s room at the same time. First, I took down the small crown molding and sheetrock, whereupon I found ugly yellow textured vinyl wallpaper from the 60’s or 70’s underneath.

The Brady Bunch would feel at home with this.

As you may recall, the wallpaper came off easily, but left the backing paper behind.

I was starting to think it would never end.

Under the backing paper I finally found the tongue and groove pine that’s in most of the rooms in the new house. After what seems to have been an eternity, I’m pleased to make the following statement:

It is complete.

However, before I get to the pictures, I have an announcement.

I am hereby throwing in the towel on crown molding, and hiring someone to do the rest of the house. If I continue to do it myself, I will surely go insane. No matter how many times I measure, no matter how perfectly I cut and cope, the pieces are either too short or gapped at the bottom of the corner joint, and I’ve wasted more molding than I’ve left up. It’s not expensive, but it still frosts me to throw money away because I can’t work a tape measure.

I spend more time in each room working on the crown molding than I do on anything else. Eventually I get it, but it takes me forever. Apparently, it IS rocket science.

So fuck it. For less than $500, I can pay someone to paint it, cut it, and hang it throughout the house, and then I’ll finish up with the puttying and caulking. Life’s too damn short for me to be pulling my hair out over this.

Incidentally, I may get in trouble for what I’m about to show you. Robyn and her mom are off on an overnighter, and she hasn’t actually seen the completed room. I’m showing it to a bunch of strangers before I show it to my wife.

Here’s the room as it is now:

It looks gray in the pictures, but it’s green. Well, green-gray.
Smoky green, maybe?

Note the perfect crown molding.

I was too damn tired to hang the doors back up.

I did the corners right this time, too.

I really like this picture, even though it’s too dark.
Note the lack of neighbors across the street.

The closet is now unleaded. Or hiddenleaded.

Incidentally, the tape was blank, because there’s no such thing as ghosts.

I was hoping, though.