Crowning achievement
You may recall in my previous entry I mentioned some oddities about the Smallville house—noises, knocks, lights coming on, and whatnot. I talked with Robyn about it, and we discovered that we’ve both seen people coming at us while out in the yard. Robyn tells me she sees someone running full speed at her out of the corner of her eye, and it startles/scares her. I see people walking by me, and it surprises me.
But there’s never anyone there when we look. (See: shadow people)
A couple of days after that entry, I was out working in the house alone one night (Robyn’s mom is visiting, and she’s taking a vacation from working on the house, the butthead) and on two occasions while I was painting in the spud’s room, I heard tools in my toolbox shifting and clanking around, like they do when I’m rooting around for something.
No, I didn’t go check. I ignored it.
Then yesterday, when Robyn, her mom, and I were all talking about the weirdness, Robyn’s mom said she’d seen someone walk by a window when she was out there, but no one was there when she walked over and looked out.
So last night I decided to settle it once and for all. I took a cassette recorder out with me, and just before I left I set it up in the spud’s closet. Feeling like the world’s biggest dork, I asked several questions aloud, with pauses in case I might get an EVP answer. I left the cassette recording and came home.
Speaking of buttheads, you know what Marty McFly has been up to recently, but what about Biff? What’s he been doing?
You remember Biff, right?
That’s him on the left.
Turns out Biff’s been doing standup, and writing a DAMN funny song (currently my favorite song, I think) :
Someone told me today that I look like Biff (now).
I’m not sure if I should feel complimented or not.
I can barely move right now. Literally.
I spent the day at the Smallville house, alone, working both outside and in. Mostly outside, trying to turn the big maple tree that fell down last week into firewood. The night we dealt with it, all I did was pull the pieces out into the back forty near the brush pile and leave them.
I worked on that damn tree until I nearly collapsed, and still haven’t finished. First, I used the chainsaw to cut up the really big pieces of trunk. I made a splitting stump out of one of the pieces, and went to work on the others with an eight pound maul.
Nothing makes you feel your age like splitting logs by hand, I found, and I realize now that they call it a maul because of what it does to you, not the wood. When I sat down tonight after I got home, my entire body got stiff and I can hardly move now.
I’m a little worried about how I’m going to feel tomorrow, given the way I hurt.
A country setting if ever I’ve seen one.
A split in progress. Note Bertha in the background, helpful as always.
One of three loads of wood I cut / chopped today.
The woodpile is growing like hell under my care.
The dark at the bottom of the pile is the original pile. I did the rest.
Edit to add (Monday morning): I finished the tree yesterday (Sunday).
This is what the woodpile looks like now.
Like I mentioned, though, I worked inside today, too. You may remember the following room from the Smallville house walkthrough entry a few weeks ago:
Orange sponge paint and a mural
Mmmm, lead paint for everyone!
A couple of weeks ago, I started working on converting this room and the spud’s room at the same time. First, I took down the small crown molding and sheetrock, whereupon I found ugly yellow textured vinyl wallpaper from the 60’s or 70’s underneath.
The Brady Bunch would feel at home with this.
As you may recall, the wallpaper came off easily, but left the backing paper behind.
I was starting to think it would never end.
Under the backing paper I finally found the tongue and groove pine that’s in most of the rooms in the new house. After what seems to have been an eternity, I’m pleased to make the following statement:
It is complete.
However, before I get to the pictures, I have an announcement.
I am hereby throwing in the towel on crown molding, and hiring someone to do the rest of the house. If I continue to do it myself, I will surely go insane. No matter how many times I measure, no matter how perfectly I cut and cope, the pieces are either too short or gapped at the bottom of the corner joint, and I’ve wasted more molding than I’ve left up. It’s not expensive, but it still frosts me to throw money away because I can’t work a tape measure.
I spend more time in each room working on the crown molding than I do on anything else. Eventually I get it, but it takes me forever. Apparently, it IS rocket science.
So fuck it. For less than $500, I can pay someone to paint it, cut it, and hang it throughout the house, and then I’ll finish up with the puttying and caulking. Life’s too damn short for me to be pulling my hair out over this.
Incidentally, I may get in trouble for what I’m about to show you. Robyn and her mom are off on an overnighter, and she hasn’t actually seen the completed room. I’m showing it to a bunch of strangers before I show it to my wife.
Here’s the room as it is now:
It looks gray in the pictures, but it’s green. Well, green-gray.
Smoky green, maybe?
Note the perfect crown molding.
I was too damn tired to hang the doors back up.
I did the corners right this time, too.
I really like this picture, even though it’s too dark.
Note the lack of neighbors across the street.
The closet is now unleaded. Or hiddenleaded.
Incidentally, the tape was blank, because there’s no such thing as ghosts. 
I was hoping, though.
An amazing difference! Really beautiful, Fred.
Fredster,try setting up your DIGITAL video camera to catch the ghosts. From all that I have read and heard,ghosts seem to show up in digital photos more often.
If you are so inclined,find out the history of the house and land as far back as you are able. There may have been a civil war battle there,a cemetary or Indian burial grounds,maybe someone has died there in whatever circumstances.
At least Sylvia Browne says that ghosts cannot and will not harm you no matter how scary they seem. Once you are tired of them,tell them to go to the light.
Fred, you did a great job on the crown molding! The paint color is calm and serene, but my favorite part of the room are those ROCKIN windows! The view is ahhhhh…nice. If that was my room I would make into my scrapbook space and put a desk under those windows, the view would inspire. Good job, Fred!
Biff showed up on this week’s episode of Ghost Whisperer, too. And speaking of ghost whisperers, it sounds like you might need one of those to go along with that new house of yours.
Great job! I love the color. The difference in “the look” of the room and closet is quite impressive. I’ve been waiting to see the work you’ve done. You are such a Handy Man!
Thanks, guys.
I hurt far less this morning than I thought I would. Maybe I’m still young enough to recover quickly.
The whole haunted thing is a bit unnerving - I couldn’t handle the seeing people and hearing things. I am a huge chicken… Although, I’m hoping you and Robyn are just setting us all up for some good stories…
Okay I was fine with the shadow people and seeing things,till you got to the red eyes, that did it for me. Some of the info states that the demons usually have red eyes. I’m here to tell ya, if I ever seen a shadow or anything floating by me or in front of me or in the distance and the eyes glowed red, that would be the last anyone would ever see of me. I’d either drop dead of a heart attack or keep running till I died from the stress.ha,ha
Love what you’ve done so far with the house.
The house is really coming along! I love that color - and, no, it doesn’t look gray in the photos - it’s a beautiful muted gray-green - right?
Just because they didn’t show up on your cassette recorder, I’m not ready to give up on them. If anyone deserves a ghost, it’s you.
Hi Fred,
I love that Biff video–thanks for sharing!!!!
That rooms looks fantastic!!
I know you don’t have free time anymore, but check out the VH1 Show Celebrity Paranormal. It’s B-List celebrities that they take and drop at haunted hot spots. Maybe you could offer the Smallville house to find out what the deal is.
Hi Fred,
I’d always considered myself a total skeptic about the supernatural, though I have written some chilling ghost stories, but when my husband and I moved to an old farmhouse we renovated over three years ago, odd things began to happen. One of the main clues was the strange “orbs” that showed up in my digital camera photos…everywhere. (I even bought a new digital camera, and the orbs STILL appeared.) The VERY FIRST photo I ever took of a miniature donkey in our pasture, had a scary reddish face/eyes over the donkey (who later died). Then these misty orbs were in pictures — inside and outside the house.
I did research the history of the house, and learned it all. The strange things began to happen after the original owners both died. There was nothing murderous or unusual in their passing, they lived to an old age. But…every male who later lived in that house (some just renters) had heart attacks or some peculiar accident. None of them died…until my husband.
I sent Robyn an email when she posted the first photos; there were “orbs” in some of the first pictures she posted. She’ll remember, I’m sure. I didn’t want to mention it on a post — but now that you’ve “opened” the gate, so to speak, I thought I’d post this.
I have no advice, except that…it would be a good idea to look into the history of the land/house. You will learn more, and can go from there. The best way to do this is to get an original deed abstract; I had suggested this when you were thinking of buying the house for the closing. Sometimes the previous owners will pay for it.
BTW, your improvements look GREAT! Just done’t work so hard you forget to enjoy the place.
Oh Fred, you silly! Of course the tape was blank! All EVP occurs below the sound levels humans hear. You need to enhance the tape to bring the EVP sounds up to the level we humans we can. Checkout the Utah Ghost Hunter’s Society (http://www.ghostwave.com/).
They do EVP and I do believe in ghosts. Why my university campus is haunted. We have a cemetary in the middle of campus!
Ghosts LOVE digital cameras! They especially love to imitate those little circular blobs that dust makes in the cheap digital camera lenses.
It’s looking just beautiful! I have exactly the same taste in colors as you do. The windows in that room are wonderful!
You need a tool belt to go with your Carhartts and flannel shirt! I sympathize completely with the crown molding mania! My hubby did hardwood floors in our house, and that went “fine”, but when it came to doing baseboards……not so much! He’s a smart cookie, manages a large grocery store, excels in Mathematical “stuff”, but can’t figure out the angles for those kind of things for shit! The worst part of it is, he’s used to being very “good” at whatever he does. I thought he’d lose his SHIT!
Fred, I love what you did to those windows. I wouldn’t bother with curtains.Does anyone besides me see a dog in the street through the left side window? Speaking of shadows, last night I was sitting on the bed when I was aware of a shadow sweeping by my head, even felt the breeze it made, when I looked back, there it sat looking right at me,a giant black hairy spider. I didn’t know this 70 year old arthritic body could move so fast. Not about to surrender my bed to a Ninja spider, I grabbed a shoe,called him Sue and smashed him.
That Tom Wilson song is too funny. You have to visit his web site. Just keep clicking on the large photo of him and the funny songs/skits keep changing. http://www.tomwilsonusa.com/ No Back to the Future 4? I’m so bummed!
RE: Crown molding
If it makes you feel any better, my father has been in the construction business since the early 50s (before that, he was a lumberjack. He got into construction because of the ease of the work!) He’s built dozens of houses, along with many, many commercial buildings. He continues to build houses and make furniture from scratch in his retirement. When I’ve asked him about crown molding, he gets a scowl on his face, and tells me to hire it out. Even he considers it a pain in the butt and almost impossible to get right.
[…] Saturday night right before I went to bed I read this entry of Freds. […]
Have the house and the grounds blessed or do it yourself.
Tom Wilson, keep a look out for him at your town’s stand-up comedy places. We saw him on Oct 6th (just north of Chicago). He was absolutely hilarious, we were crying he had us laughing so hard and so much. In fact my husband loved him enough to spend $20 on his CD on our way out the door and has listened to it many many times already.
I hope you get the proof you’d like for the ghosts because out of the info you’ve given so far I have to believe they’re there. And as far as the EVP’s, although I whole heartedly believe in ghosts I’m not sure I believe in EVP’s yet. Besides, even if it can happen doesn’t mean it will happen, especially not on the first try.
How long would it take a tractor to drive from Alabama to Tennessee?
Winds blew down my back fence, I had to dig 12, yes 12 new holes to put the new fence posts into, it surely kicked my ass. After about the third one I went into the house and started looking up to see if you could rent tractors for that shit after seeing Fred’s in action….the guy laughed at me and said he could sure but why not just rent a post hole digger!!!!!
Fred, they make “cheater’s corners” for crown moulding! You can get ‘em at Lowe’s or Home Depot. My husband used them when he did our crown moulding. They are just little pre-cut blocks of wood that go in the corners, then you attach the mouldings on either side. Look into it if you don’t wanna hire someone. But some of your rooms will be different from the ones you’ve already done.
Oooh…your house is SO haunted!!! You guys should call TAPS, the guys who are on Ghost Hunters on the Sci-fi channel, maybe they’ll come out and do an investigation. Sweet.
I think the “smokey green” paint looks great. You’re really becoming quite the painter. Very impressed.
Fred, what a BEAUTIFUL job you have done! Wow. I’m absolutely gobsmacked at the difference. Will you come to Michigan and help me paint our house?
Robin - I’ve seen the corners, but am too cheap to pay $8 each for them.
Jen - Perhaps we can work out a trade. What do you know about hanging crown molding?
1.) Have you watched Carnivale at all? Because the preacher reminds me of you somehow (that’s not as bad as a Biff comparison, right?). I don’t know what it is, but it’s disconcerting because he’s so creepy and you’re so not.
2.) My husband chopping wood, maniac ninja style:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5hjhp6oH6c
Don’t drink anything while you watch that. I ought to be too embarassed to link it, but the thought of making you chuckle has gotten the better of me.
3.) Some people on my local community forum go ghost-hunting and evidently, you have to manipulate the tape through synthesizers and whatnot before you can hear what the ghosts are saying
For the weirdness going on in the house: I recommend listening to the first ~5 min of episode #319 of last weekend’s This American Life — “And the Call Was Coming from the Basement” (search for the podcast through iTunes or go to the show’s website — http://thisamericanlife.org/). Could be carbon monoxide!