Venting my frustration
“Damnit,” I said, as the screwdriver slipped out of the slot on the screwhead for what must have been the tenth time.
I stood on the Smallville front porch, trying to put the chain back on Robyn’s chainsaw — the woman slings the chain on that thing every five minutes, it seems, then pretends she can’t get it back on so I’ll do it for her — while I waited for the air conditioning guy to show up yesterday morning. Trying to hold the cover on the chainsaw and turn the screw to move the thingy (the technical name) inside that moves the chain bar is a huge pain in the ass on the electric chainsaw. On the gas one it’s a piece of cake to fix when the chain comes off, but Robyn’s intimidated by the bigger machine and has her own smaller one.
The sound of a slowing vehicle caught my attention and I turned to look out at the road. A white van bearing the logo of an air conditioning company turned into the driveway. I set the chainsaw down on the box Mama and Dad cat sleep in (I haven’t finished their house yet) and wiped the chain oil off my hands. The air conditioning service guy climbed out of the van and we exchanged greetings.
“I think I have a condensation problem,” I said. “In two places.”
We walked into the front room and I showed him the spot by one of the vents where there’s a slight buckle in the floor. He knelt and removed the vent cover, then peeled the duct away from the wood so he could look down the outside of it. I marvelled at the thickness of the floorboards, and realized that I could probably try refinishing the floors myself and still have enough wood left for a pro to fix it if I screwed it up too bad. I’m starting to get a little cocky about my abilities, now that I’ve hung a chandelier and a little crown molding. I could practically start my own home improvement bus–
“It’s insulated,” he said, interrupting my reverie.
“I know. I think it needs more insulation. I believe there’s a pocket of cold above the duct and water collects there when it’s hot out.”
“Hard to tell right now.”
I grinned and said, “I thought about that this morning. Late fall isn’t the best time to make a call about summertime condensation problems, is it?”
“I could get a duct crew out here to put more insulation and tape on it. That should help.”
I did not want to pay twice for air conditioner issues, once for him to look at a problem and once for someone to fix it.
“Let me wait until it starts warming up and see how it goes,” I said. “The previous owner told me that they didn’t notice any problems after they closed the vents to the crawlspace.”
“You could crawl under when it’s closer to summer and it’s running more and check it then,” he said. “See if we need to come back out.”
“If there’s any time of year I don’t to crawl under the house, it’s summer.”
It was his turn to grin. “Plenty of critters then.”
Critters aren’t the problem. Spiders are. In the interests of my masculinity I did not reveal this to him.
“That spot’s only incidental,” I said. “I just wanted you to look at it while you were here. The more pressing problem is in the stairwell.”
I took him to the stairs and pointed out the brownish-maroon metallic-smelling bloodstain on the ceiling.
“I’ve painted that three times, including a thick coat of Killz primer, and it keeps bleeding through,” I said. “When I first looked in the attic, I saw the AC unit and thought it was on top of the stain and maybe leaking or having a condensation problem, but the more I think about it the more I realize that the stain’s too close to the vent to be under the unit.”
“Where’s your attic access?” he asked.
I led him to the upstairs hallway and pulled the attic ladder down. He climbed into the attic and out of sight. I heard him thumping and bumping around, muttering something occasionally, for several minutes. While he looked around I took the opportunity to start caulking some spots in the upstairs hall to raise that 90% satisfaction a little higher. Finally he came back down.
“I found the problem,” he said. “Your plumbing vent is behind the AC, and there’s a leak there. It comes into the house and elbows ninety degrees. I felt moisture there on the bend, and the insulation is wet below it where it dripped.”
“I just had the roof done a month ago. I wonder if they screwed up with sealing the hole around the vent.”
But, that wasn’t the air conditioning guy’s problem. We chitchatted briefly, and he left with $67.50 for 20 minutes of looking.
Sixty-seven fifty for looking around for twenty minutes. To hell with a duct crew in the summer—God only knows what they charge for a “crew” if one guy is $67.50 an hour—I’ll fix the condensation problem under the house myself.
As to the leak in the attic, I made a HUGE discovery last night when Robyn and I went back to work on the house.
There is, in fact, a place in Smallville that’s scarier than on a ladder over the stairs:
ON UR ROOF, CALKIN UR VENTS
This it what it looks like when you’re sitting on the roof ridge.
And it hurts your ass, right in the crack.
The vent has been well and truly caulked, despite the fact that I didn’t see how
any water could get in around that rubber skirt/boot.
After ten terrifying minutes on the peak of the roof, I clambered back down and through the window. Next up, a trip to the far end of the attic to see what the air conditioning guy saw.
Looks easy to move around in, doesn’t it? It isn’t, especially when you’re uncoordinated.
Back where the problem was, it became evident that my caulking had been for naught. There was no evidence of water on the roof boards (Not the trusses, but the boards that go between them. Where the plywood sheathing in a modern house is. Whatever those boards are called.), nor around the spot where the vent pipe came into the house. I could feel the wetness on the bottom of the pipe near the elbow joint, and surmised that the joint had a sealing problem. Current theory: water comes into the vent pipe from above because it’s uncovered, then leaks out around the elbow joint and drips onto the insulation and ceiling. I moved the wet insulation out of the way so the ceiling could dry, and put a used paint tray liner underneath to catch water since big storms are expected soon.
The mother of invention
I caulked the seal before we left but I don’t know if it’s going to hold. It was raining, and water was coming off the bottom of the joint. I stopped at Lowe’s and picked up a shanty vent cap (hee, we own a shanty!) to put over the vent outside to keep water from getting into it in the first place. Oh joy, another trip to the roof ridge.
Looking at the pictures now, it looks like there’s a wrong slope on the vent pipe between the two elbow joints. I’m starting to think that water is coming in, then pooling in the low end of the pipe.
I can fix this, dammit.
I spent the rest of last night bringing the upstairs hall from 90% satisfaction to 94%. It still needs a little bit of touchup paint, but I’m very happy with it. Below is what it looks like now; you may wish to compare it with the other picture. The differences are subtle — gaps between boards filled, better joints with the molding, etc — but they’re there.
We also hung the doors last night, which makes it look more like a real home where people live.
Getting closer to the elusive 100%
Ok, now I know we’ve been having fun with the “spot the ghost” photos, but this one takes the cake.
I don’t know if you noticed or not but it looks like there’s a face in the window back there and it’s screaming. So what’s in the window? A scream poster maybe?
Oh yeah, great job ya’ll have been doing. I really like the color on the walls.
What kind of caulk did you use? The roof repair caulk/sealant I’ve always seen is black. http://www.hgtv.com/hgtv/remodeling/article/0,1797,HGTV_3659_1803624,00.html
Ohhh, cool window ghost….. ok, like I kinda hope this isn’t some joke Fred since it will make for some great reading when you guys actually move in and have to SLEEP there! Hee
I’m getting my eyes checked today, but I don’t see the ghost! Heh.
Fred, again…..great job. Every time there’s something to be done, you always end up doing it yourself…cracks me up! Be careful up on that roof.
Karen, it’s a face that fills the whole bottom window. It does look a whole lot like the scream mask, just not quite as skinny. That’s why I was wondering if it was from a poster of Scream or something similar. It’s very creepy looking. So if Fred did it then he did a great job, if he didn’t do it, I’m with Christine there’ll be some interesting posts up ahead.
OMG, Katrina I didn’t notice the window until you pointed it out. It does look like a screaming face/head.
I think the black stuff is called hucky-pucky. My FIL told me that was the technical term (we roofed our house three years ago).
I’m wondering why your plumbing vent has an elbow and not go straight up. I know jack-squat about plumbing, so maybe it’s supposed to have a 90°thingy.
If the previous owners could see the progress on their old house, I’m betting they would be dying inside.
You and Robyn are doing a fabulous job.
Oh wow! I see the ghost too! What say you, Fred?
Oh man. I see it now. I sure hope that is from Fred doing some photo minipulation.
Can we see the full size version of the spooky window photo, Fred?
We’re all freaked out now!
The window in that last pic is positively CREEPY.
Eerie window! At first glance it looked like an old man, his chin being the upper lip of the scream face, but now all I see is a face with the mouth open.
Oh well, just a quick question- what color did you paint the upstairs halls? It looks cream colored to me. It really has brightend up the halls! Great job! You’re a regular Handyman Nagry-(Mr. Rogers reference)
Euuurgh it’s late at night here and I’m alone in the house and I REEELY did not need that ghost pointing out. It has fair given me the willies.
That 4% does show, definitely. That hallway is glorious and becoming ever more so.
I see Mr. Magoo. I don’t see a scream.
I also don’t believe in ghosts.
Ignore my husband…he’s off his meds!
Spooky picture but the house is looking fabulous!!!!!!
weird. i zoomed the picture about 10 times and the details get blurry, but that face gets clearer and clearer. a tormented soul, obviously.
“Caulking our vents”…sounds like a euphemism for something…
Come on Fred! You had to have photo-shopped that face in the window. That is too creepy. Fess up mister!
For the record, I initially thought you guys were talking about the “ghost” in the first picture… check the second story, left window… a waist to head image with what looks like a woman’s hairline, two eyes, and v-neck collar. Almost like she’s peeking over the sash… then I realized you were talking about the other one, which has officially given me the heebie-jeebies. (shiver…)
I see something in the fist picture too, but it’s in the bottom 3 windows, look at the bottom window, the one in the middle, don’t you see a head in that back room, looking out. I thought it may have been Robyn but then who would have taken the picture.
The caulk I used was exterior silicone caulk — not roof stuff. You use what you have on hand, sometimes.
I cannot believe it…I didn’t even notice the face in the window until after I read the next post!!!! Man, I’m really observant aren’t I? What a doofus!!
Hey:
I discovered that I have the exact same problem! I was ready to hire a roofing contractor to come repair the vent on a 6 year old house. I, however, know there is no vent pipe cover up there and the problem happened when we had a huge amount of rain here (north of Boston) last spring. Off to Lowe’s I go. Thanks, you may have saved me a bundle of money!
Probably a condensation issue. Like mine.