vituperation

Merry Christmas, and all that.

We went to my sister’s house for Christmas breakfast today. Since we have chickens, we were nominated to bring the eggs. But there was a problem — we didn’t have all that many. Production goes way down in the winter because there’s less light, and we’ve been getting two to four for the last several days (more on that in a bit). Matter of fact, there hasn’t been a single egg laid yet today.

We had two dozen to take, but my sister was convinced we’d need at least three. We got the extra from the local grocery store. They came in a paper carton that proudly proclaimed:

“From natural grain fed free roaming nesting hens, one dozen grade A hand gathered large eggs.”

On the side of the box, “Farm house 12 large brown eggs, cage free”

That sounds a lot like our eggs, doesn’t it? Our girls have nests, they roam free around the yard. We gather the eggs by hand, and most of the eggs are brown. The only difference I can see in the description is that our girls get to eat grass and bugs (and table scraps), and not just grain.

And then we cooked some. Can you tell the difference?

Store eggs

Our eggs

Side by side

All photos are unretouched except for resizing. Such is the difference in color (and nutrients) a little grass and bugs make.

So which ones look better to you?

McLovin would like you to know he’s a stud.

Speaking of McLovin, there’s a chance we have an issue. For a few days, I thought he was getting into the coop and eating eggs during the day. Production, as I mentioned, took a hit last week, and it seemed a little coincidental that we’d just brought a new rooster in. I’d seen him go in the coop a few times during the day while I was working on the new coop Saturday and Sunday, and both those days we only got two eggs.

Plus, the only eggs we got were in the nest boxes. A few of the girls like to hollow out spots in the bedding back in the corner and lay there. Those areas were dug up all the way down to the floor, and there were no eggs. That digging didn’t start until we got McLovin, either. He’s a scratching motherfucker.

If McLovin is eating eggs, McLovin will go straight into the stew pot. No passing ‘Go’, no collecting $200.

Yesterday we only got four eggs (and one of those was overnight so it was really more like three), and like I said above, no eggs today. I know for sure that McLovin didn’t go in the coop yesterday, so he couldn’t have eaten any. I’m hoping that he’s not eating eggs, that the slow down is because the days are the shortest they’re going to be right now, because I don’t really want to chop his head off, but if he is, so be it.

Such is life with farm animals.

I thought yesterday was going to be the first showdown with McLovin. One of our buffs looked to have had diarrhea or something, and her back end was pretty dirty. I thought it would be best to clean her up, since chickens don’t seem to take care of that business as well as, say, our cats.

I fetched a bucket of warm water and a couple of rags, and caught the chicken up by her legs. When I did, she squawked in alarm, and McLovin came hauling ass across the yard. He was clucking frantically, and when he got to me he stood tall and twisted his head to keep a close eye on me.

I had my kicking foot at the ready, because an aggressive rooster needs to be taught quickly who the boss is, but he didn’t attack. He watched me intently while I cleaned the buff’s feathers and vent area, then went back to scratching around in the yard when I was done with her.

After cleaning a chicken’s ass, I can say that I’m not as sure now that I could kill and clean one for dinner. Matter of fact, after having to stand there and stew in that stank while I cleaned her up, I’m questioning whether or not I ever want to eat chicken again, period. It was that fowl.

Sorry. Couldn’t resist that.

The coop is coming along nicely. I got a lot accomplished over the last three days. Those damn chickens better appreciate it.

It should look nice and girly when I get it painted, perfect for a bunch of young women in their prime getting sexed up regularly.

Hopefully this song will rescue you from holiday blues.