The war
Questions from comments:
Hi Fred. If you get the chance, could you enlighten us readers about your method of growing tomatoes? I’m going to grow some in my garden for the first time in years, and I’ve read so many different ways of doing it that I’d love for someone to cut through all the bull and tell it to me like it is- like how far apart to plant them, when to plant them, which varieties are good, how deep to dig the hole, what you use to support the vines, how you keep the animals from eating all the fruit etc…. I like to hear tried and true methods from people- it’s very helpful!
Oh, boy. My method is pretty much the “winging it” method. I stick some seeds in potting soil, add a little water and Miracle Gro, and let nature do the rest.
When they get bigger, the plants like to spread, so I planted ours about two feet apart last year. We had 30-35 plants in a 70-foot row. For support, I caged every tomato, which was a massive ass-pain. This year, because we have so many more plants, I plan to drive t-posts into the ground and run a row of field fence down either side. I figure the plants will grow through the holes in the fence and use that for support. If they get too big, I’ll start tying the long branches to the fence with twine.
Please bear in mind I’ve grown tomatoes in a garden exactly once.
Is your foot still improving?
I’m not sure. My elbow (tennis elbow from all the drilling/screwdrivering) is the big problem these days. As an experiment, I’m trying 30 days of a single dose of an anti-inflammatory, to see if I can get it to heal up. A side effect of the pill is no foot pain.
Unfortunately, all it does is reduce the elbow pain, and I’m unwilling to take more pills because I don’t like the way they make me feel. I imagine I’ll be going to the orthopedic doc soon and asking for an MRI and a cortisone shot in the elbow.
But…my foot was still hurting less than before, before I started with the pills.
Since there is no way in heck my husband and I can become ‘green’ eating meat in our current abode I am seriously thinking of going vegan.
Thanks for opening up the mind.. And I mean that truly.
If anyone goes vegan because of me, I’m seriously going to feel like I’ve failed at life. 
It’s no secret that I love a challenge. Nothing makes me happier than accomplishing a goal, no matter how big. If you’ve read me for any length of time, you probably already know about some of the big goals.
What you may not know is that I love the small challenges, too. My day is filled with them, these little challenges:
- I’ll bet I can finish peeing before the toilet finishes flushing.
- I’ll bet I get through the closing garage door without tripping the sensors to start it raising again.
- I’ll bet I can leave this fart in Robyn’s chair and get her to blame a cat when she sits down.
- I’ll bet I can walk quickly through the opening automatic doors at Lowe’s without hitting my shoulders.
- I’ll bet I can get to the microwave before it beeps again.
Like I said, I love them.
What I really love, though, is when someone else is involved in the challenge, to make it a little competitive. Some people may think I get too competitive in my games, but they just don’t understand.
Robyn gets into these little challenges with me, because she understands me. We’ll see who will leave an item sitting on the kitchen table the longest, or who can pack the most trash in the kitchen trashcan without taking it out to the big garbage can, and then we laugh about it when it’s over. Especially if I win.
We entered one such challenge a couple of weeks ago when the tube of Crest in the bathroom started to get low. Each day, it got a little flatter. At night, I’d come into the bathroom to find her already brushing her teeth, a knowing look in her eyes. I could feel her mocking me while I meticulously used my thumbs to work the remaining paste up the tube so I could squeeze some out onto my toothbrush.
Day after day the battle went on, and every day it got a little harder to work the toothpaste out. But I prevailed. I thrived.
Last night, it came to a head. I squeezed and squeezed, and got nothing. In a panic, I slapped the tube down on the counter and thumbed it desperately to work some toothpaste up to the top while Robyn watched me. I could see that she smelled imminent victory. I held the toothpaste tube in both hands and squeezed as hard as I could.
I got the tiniest little smear of Crest on my brush, which I quickly thrust into my mouth.
I raised the toothpaste tube, triumphant, and gleefully crowed: “I’m going to win this war!”
Robyn stared at me for a moment, then opened a drawer in the vanity and pulled out a full tube of some other kind of toothpaste.
“This is my toothpaste,” she said.
Just now, when I had her proofread the above, Robyn informed me that she’s never been part of “our” little competitions.
Thanks for starting my day with a laugh!!!
Too funny! I don’t even want to know the answer to this, but I wonder: Why are you still peeing while the toilet is flushing? Isn’t flushing an “after” thing? On the bright side, at least you’re not reading while peeing/flushing…and if you are, I don’t wanna know that either!
Have you tried one of those elbow braces? Just an elastic sleeve that you wear over your elbow. It was the only thing that finally “cured” my tennis elbow. Physio, meds, nothing else did it. You also have to “rest” it for a while and try not to do much lifting.
About those tomatoes: If you run a row of fencing down each
side of your row of tomatoes, then how will you be able to check for tomato hornworms (or get rid of the nasty buggers) without taking the whole row down, which would then involve carefully disentangling each and every branch on each and every plant from all the holes they’ve grown through? Whew.
Not a nice job.
It might be easier to work with just one row of fencing, and tying the plants — espalier style — to the fencing.
I have fought with tomato hornworms. It is no fun, none at all. And for future reference, chickens are terrified of them. Once I carried a particularly fat hornworm to the chicken enclosure and tossed it in, sure that all the usually ravenous hens would tear it apart in no time. Instead, all of the chickens crowded together in the furthest corner of the enclosure, clucking and squawking in apparent fear, as the hornworm curled and uncurled spasmodically in the dust in the center of the enclosure.
I ended up flushing the horrible creature down the toilet. Yuck.
I never said I thought you were too competitive! I just think you’re insane. There is a big difference.
Hi Fred-
Thanks for the tomato tips. I am glad to hear the winging it method worked for you, because that’s basically what I was planning on doing!
“If anyone goes vegan because of me, I’m seriously going to feel like I’ve failed at life. ”
But wouldn’t it warm your heart to know you have encouraged many to eat more ‘responsibly’?? After seeing that clip you posted on the factory chickens life I went to the fridge and threw out the left over roast chicken I bought at the grocery store. It looked a wee bit REVOLTING to me.
Working on eating less meat (tonight had veggie chili, delicious) and finding a nearby farm to supply fresh eggs and meat. Shouldn’t be too hard as we live in a farming community.
Hilarious. Apparently it these challenges are all in your head, Robyn has no idea. Heh!
I would love to read your book. Any spare copies around by chance? It is now out of print and all the sellers out there want to charge a fortune for shipping to Canada (overcharging which really pisses me off!)
I could make you a lovely custom hand combed/spun/knit wool hat in exchange?
Sheep lovingly raised by a friend of mine. Grey in color and would serve you well on your winter morning rounds with the animals 
You’re poor like me when you cut open the toothpaste tube to get the truly last bit of toothpaste.
I have read about a university study that proves using RED plastic around tomatoes increases the plants’ vigor. Be it as weed barrier at the base of the plant,a red plastic water difuser at the base of the plant or an odd-looking tent enveloping the plant.
Your plant and seed catalogs should have examples for sale. Of course a home-made version will save you moolah.
Sorry to hear about the unresolved pain in your elbow, Fred. During the 17 years I worked in the bindery of a printing company (where every job involved repetitive motion), I had several bouts of “tennis elbow”, too. My doctor gave me a velcro band to wear just below my elbow to relieve some of the strain on the tendons (or was it ligaments?). I’m sure your ortho guy will be able to help you out. In the meantime, I hope your foot continues to heal.
By the way, that is a very nice shelf and brackets that you made for Robyn!